I think the hardest part about this whole process is knowing that everything in the end will be okay. As much as I keep telling myself that, it still remains a nagging doubt in my life.
My life was set and it didn't matter what happened. I knew that together we could get through it. Everything else in a way faded in importance because no matter what happened as long as I had him with me, things wouldn't be so bad. So what happens when that person is no longer there and you are forced to face the world alone? Suddenly all the things that seemed trivial now become a burden. The future life I had envisioned is now shaken and I realized that the things that were once 'things that would just work out somehow' are becoming giant anxieties of my life becuase now there is no safety blanket and I no longer have the belief that it will all just be okay. Now these small things have a bigger part in my life. Now I am lost. I over analyse. I think perhaps that the relationship was too much of my life. That I relied on it too much. Will I ever let myself go back to that? Was it healthy? Was it normal? My life and my history are filled with questions now.
I've lost that sense of security. I've lost a lot of confidence. It's hard trying to gain it all back.
A grad school geek finding life in the city.
