burn it off

When I was a kid, I had a dark wart on the bottom of my right big toe. On the bottom pad, where the toe touches the ground. It didn't looke like a wart. It looked more like a mole. It was flat and under my skin. My mom was convinced for a while that it was a rock that had gotten trapped in a cut and then eventually just stayed there under layers and layers of new skin that had grown over it over time. It didn't bother me, therefore I didn't care. For years my pediatrician said it was nothing.

One day I noticed more bumps on my foot. On other toes. They were a lighter shade of grey and this time were raised. By this time, many years later I had switched family doctors. He had one look at it and knew. It was warts. Warts had a habit of spreading. He didn't know why it took so long. I freaked out when he tried to scrape away the skin that had grown overtop that first big, black one. I flinched and bit my lip. He didn't even get close to it. It was so deep. I was bleeding.

I had to go to the hospital to get them burned off with liquid nitrogen. The little raised ones were still new- they were easy. A few sessions and they were gone. The big one had been festering for years and was a bitch to get rid of. Many sessions later it was cleared. Most of the time I forget it was ever even there.

Sometimes however, I feel a phantom pain in my right big toe. One that feels exactly like it did when the wart was getting burned off. It's nothing I can explain but so distinct that I can relate the sensation to that one moment. I don't ever feel it on the other toes that had the newer warts.

Strange how something like that still has a way of haunting you 20 or so years later. It just goes to show that its the ones that have been with you the longest that will cause you the most pain and pain that you will never be able to fully escape even when it's gone.