last one to buy something floral is a rotten egg.

I remember having those conversations about never understanding why older women chose to wear the things they do. And of course, right after would be the silent vow of never wearing tapered pants, holiday-themes sweaters, or anything floral-patterned no matter how old we got. I remember wondering how it got to that point. Was it an extension of the style in their younger days just carried it through? or was it something they grew into...that came along with a taste for wine and an obsession over gas prices that we would all inevitably follow?

The other day I was walking behind a girl, wearing one of those to-the-knee parkas with the fur-trimmed hood from aritzia with her jeans tucked into midcalf boots. It was nothing out of the ordinary and I was thinking for a second how a hood would be great for the blowing snow we always seem to get here. And then it hit me. Mrs. Hawthorn; my second grade teacher...the one with the knee-length winter coat. It was purple, had a fur-trimmed hood and she always dutifully tucked her pants into her mid-calf leather boots. And at that point I realized how similar our styles had become. that maybe we are all turning into 'those women'. That maybe I should stop making fun of my mom cause one day I'll be borrowing her clothes. haha that's a scary thought.

one year

I'm not good at making decisions, especially those fork-in-the-road type decisions where life will ultimatley turn out very different but you're not fully sure how different because you can't see the end of the road in either direction. *takes a breath* And okay, admittedly, it's not THAT big of a life decision but its enough. I remember when I had to pick a university and I was just so torn between them all that I ended up in tears. I'm still not sure if this was the right way to go. I love it here, but I can't help but wonder. I'm the kind of girl who likes to make a well-informed decision...who likes to know the outcomes. And I guess when those outcomes are just not available, the decision becomes impossible for me to make. Despite weighing all the pros and cons it still doesnt matter. Some things just can't be weighed and some things you can't even comprehend until you're actually in the situation. So maybe I'm just being chicken shit. But maybe I want to enjoy fourth year and finally get out of here instead of coming back to a place where most of my friends have already left and struggle getting back into the swing of things once again. Some may think it's only a year, but it's not just that. A lot changes in a year. I don'tknow what I might be missing out on or destroying by skipping out on this one year.

around the block

I know I always say this, but I love campus when the leaves start to change colours and fall off the trees and when the air is crisp, but not exactly cold either. I guess being in school for so many years, it signifies a new start. Nothing is the same as it was when this time of the year hits.

So I am finally getting settled into my new place. Things are put away, books are purchased, household routines are starting up. It is definitly different living in a house full of girls. I haven't experienced any drama yet, which I admit I expect. But maybe some girls are more about the drama than others. Apparently the big dramas are few and far between. Which of course is good. Whether its personality, or maturity, or somethign else, I don't know...but so far these girls don't seem like the drama type. Which of course is also good. lol

I'm definitely more distracted this year. Which helps with the missing of the one at home. Still miss him...but distractions help.

So after meeting the only random creepy from upstairs, I was not left with a good impression of the boys who live on the upper floors. But long story short, he was a random that someone who wanted to leave the house just stuck in there to pay the rent and he's kicked out now. Of all the 6 boys, I had to spend the 45 minutes with the creepy one.

Boys are good for cleaning up maggoty garbage. Thats what we get for missing a garbage day I guess. After moving a few of the bags, all of the other bags underneath looked as though someone threw up maggots on top of them all. It was a great 291 moment. One for the books.

Double booking one of my lecture periods this semester was definitely not the smartest move. But if it fits all the courses I want in...

I love living so close to everything downtown. I can walk to fries. mmm fries.

weekend

Seems as though all I needed was gentle kiss and a few reassuring words. I'm glad there is someone there who has confidence in it all when I don't.

And thank you packie for driving me around to get stuff. It was weird seeing you go that night and knowing it wasn't just for the weekend.

make it or break it

And it's times like these that make me really think that it may not last much longer. I think the distance is really starting to show and the frustrations at things we cannot control is building itself into a monster.

sobered

I've been looking at photos from the new orleans area and I am floored by it all. Houses totally flattened or imersed in water up to the rooftops..Big ass buildings moved and reloacted miles away from its original sites. I can't imgine having everything wiped out like that...my life...all the keepsakes that can never be replaced. I'm very thankful for the people in my life....The people who I thought about potentially losing who made me get teary-eyed. It's crazy...and amazing the people in the photographs can still smile.

don't knock it til you try it

In an instant I was an ipod convert. I never understood what was so great about those little things and why everyone wanted to get their hands on one so badly. Not that its remarkably unique (its a fricken mp3 player for goodness sakes) or that it's necessarily worth the uber dollar, but it is nice to have around. It reminds me of when I was so against having a cell phone. It was like a wireless umbilical cord allowing my parents to find me whenever they pleased...not that it stopped me from lying to them. You wouldn't know my past resentment towards a cell phone now. I LOVE the thing. It's become a dependence that I'm kind of ashamed of. I actually get a little nervous at first if I accidentally leave it behind at home for a day. So needless to say the little green iPod is with me most of the time; all the time when I'm on public transit. It's still only just over half full. I'm thinking it was a better choice than the pricier 1G sony one I was also eyeing. Luke is slowly turning me into a gadget geek...sorta...okay not at all. BUT, I do sometimes stop and wonder what I DO know because of him. I can pick out a nintendo ds from a mile away in a lecture hall while the girls sitting beside me have no clue what it is looking upclose. Times like that I realize that I probably wouldn't known either. And I'm pretty sure if it wasn't for him, I would still be listening to the ol' cd player or the (always interesting) 'sounds of the nugget' as I like to call them. In conclusion, I'm hooked.

here comes the sun

It finally feels like summer. No homework...no exams. Too bad its only for a few weeks.

Finished the weekend birthday bonanza that was me and yoyo's birthdays. Luckily we decided to switch birthdays this year otherwise that outdoor movie thing would have been quite interesting in the hail and the tornado warnings and all.

Speaking of the crazy storm that hit our area...I'm glad to say that I wasn't really caught up in it all on friday. Luckily for me, I sought refuge at Luke's house down the street and the raining had mostly stopped by the time I got off. After seeing those pictures of trapped buses lined up and cars half sumerged in water, it is almost a miracle how I was not affected at all being a routine commuter. It didn't even affect the birthday plans afterwards. Place was fine and everyone expected to come, came. I'm one lucky duck I am.

Karaoke turned out to be HILARIOUS. It could have gone either way in my mind. So the last minute, night-before decision to do this was a good thing afterall. Thanks packie for your help in telling everyone while I was at work. There's no videoclips or pictures up cause I'm not fancy like that, but if you want to see just let me know.

Dropped by a house party after yoyo's movie night and saw some people I haven't seen all summer...actually some I haven't seen in a long while. Who knew that Sean Lennon would still pop in sporatically in my life. It was nice.

I'm waiting for my ipod mini. 5 days doesn't seem like a long time to wait for soemthin to ship in, but ohh man I want it NOW.

AND thanks everyone for coming out and making it special and thank you for the presents and drinks and everything else :) I don't feel like birthdays call for celebrating anymore, but I do like the excuse for us all to get together and have some fun.

Back from the camping weekend.

A little sun burnt and bitten but all and all a great break from the ordinary. What could have been a very interesting weekend turned out to be drama free despite all the potential for it. I can't say that I'm not a little surprised, but I'm glad for those that were there and as well as myself that things went the way they did.
I went out to 'swim' for the first time in years. It's been probably almost 10 years judging from the last time I actually owned a bathing suit. They tried teaching me, but I think I'm too afriad of the water in my face to be comfortable enough to swim longer than three strokes. And seeing how I'm around water practically never, I'll never really learn how to swim, but I've also kind of accepted that. I'll lump it with the un-coordinated, unathletic part in me.
I saw my first shooting star. The clouds parted just enough for me to catch it.
I loved the corn Jacsen and I got from that farmer's market. It was soo sweet. Suspiciously sweet. Maybe even too sweet.
Having the tent to ourselves was nice. Lotsa space and lotsa late night talks and lotsa cuddling. I liked the 'love shack'....lol.
Tried to get back to Toronto as soon as I could so that I could get downtown with Luke to catch a friend's premiere screening of a movie his production company made. I know Jac sen didn't quite understand my rush, but every minute counted and really, would he have preferred me to just stand there and stare? I would have been uber sad if I had missed it. I'm not gonna be going to the L.A or New York film festivals. One chance kind of deals.
We have so much food left. I dont know why there was so much leftovers...

strawberry shortcakes, huckleberry pie

and with the completion of my english course comes the start of my summer. I can't wait til I can just sit on my butt with nothing to do again. Well there's never ever really nothing to do...but you know..nothing pressing.

I like boys who buy me coronas...thank you

It's semi early saturday morning. What am I doing up? I guess when I 'sleep in', it means getting a full 6 hours of sleep instead of the 4 or 5 I usually get.

I haven't had a night like last night for a while. It was very relaxed and well to be honest, food-filled. And as I was on my way home, I couldn't help thinking that the eating til 3 probably was the reason I gained so much weight before. I appreciate these nights more now that they don't happen so often needless to say. Those Neil boys sure had a lot of crazy stories but then maybe that's expected when you have a school full of boys.

It scared me last night when I realized how old we've become even if we don't feel it. I'm finding more and more people I know with not just jobs, but CAREERS now. I'm not old enough for a career yet.. yuck.

After talking to one of the hygenists at work about all the drama and what really happened that I didn't know about at this and at the other office, it just became more blatently clear how these things are all the same. There were many parallels and sadly, this tells me that even after what has happened in the past year or two, these types of fights will be a threat no matter how old and how mature you get. We talked about our own experiences and what I saw in the situation as an outsider. I told her that they both looked stupid and they both made assumptions and that they were both selfish in their thoughts. I told her I don't blame either one of them for acting as such. I told her that it put a lot of things in retrospective perspective (does that even make sense?) with what has happened with me in my own personal drama. I told her to let the grudge go. It's no point in keeping it with you and letting it control your life. Girls can get so catty. In the end, to make things sane in the office again, someone had to leave. So we lost someone that week. She just quit. Although I would like to say I would never leave my job over soemthing like that...I understood her need to get away despite everything and suddenly didn't think that was a bad idea at all.

and I'm back again...

Wow. I must really not want to read this book cause here I am again. Although the Hobbit isn't really that bad, I find it a bit confusing, and that in itself makes me not want to read it. Things are different when you know what you're reading is going to be on an exam. Gobblins, Dwarves, Elves, Hobbits, Trolls... they are all relatively the same to me. I get mixed up on who hates who and which ones are evil.. blah blah blah.

I jokingly say that God gave Luke this magic job to get him out of my hair. I get so much more reading done with my days off now. I was a little bit sad that he was going to be workign just as I start to get more free time with this course ending and all but right now it's sort of a blessing in disguise. Looks like I will actually be able to read through all the extra course materials and study for this one afterall. At the same time, it feels as though my potential time with him is getting eaten by an evil monster.

Not looking forward to this 9 am exam...with the 2 hour commute on top of it. I might as well be driving to london now that I think about it.

Work drama has ended and I don't have to be uber careful about what I say to people anymore. I didn't want to inadvertently get caught up in it. It's amazing how one innocent thing turns into quite another. Reminds me of my own drama in many ways. We are all stupid. Every single one of us.

Still on the bathing suit hunt. I think it may not end very well. I can't quite find one with both a top AND bottom that I like. Why does it seem that all halter style bikinis have a belt and belt loops on the bottoms? oh that and I have elephant legs.. lol

Shopping for the new place is fun. Too bad none of it is actually in the house. I should really figure out a day to go down.

Welps I guess that is all for now. Back to Bilbo I go...

Learning curves

You learn from observing what's around you. I'm just glad I'm not in the middle of the mess. It's amazing what you learn when you're on the outside.

I've found that:
Sometimes when people complain about others, they fail to step into that other person's shoes. Some people accuse others of things that they are guilty of too, but they just don't realize. Those who point fingers and accuse others of being selfish and narrow minded are often selfish and narrow minded themselves. They fail to see beyond how something affects themselves....reasons as to why things happened the way they did. They can only concentrate on the hurt it caused them and nothing/nobody else.
But it is human nature I guess to cry about your own plights and ignore the reasons of why these things happen to them. It is human nature I guess to treat others badly as though it is nothing and then when treated wrongly yourself, act as though it was the worst thing in the world. I guess it is human nature to have a naturally biased view on things. Maybe it's just natural to not try and see how you would think and act had you been in the other person's situation. Maybe it is human nature to think that you know the whole story/situation when you really don't. It is human nature I guess to remember what you want and convieniently forget what you don't want.

I'm sure I've been guilty of it all. We are such ugly people sometimes.

I hope I am learning to be less ego-centric about things.

growing

I may have written this in another post somewhere. It's not the first time I've thought about it.

I'm all for learning to accept yourself for who you are.
I was never a person who condoned trying to change yourself for others.
I have accepted that I'm always going to be slightly overweight and that I have inherited my grandma's stubborness and that I'm too nosy for my own good at times.

But this doesn't mean I'm not going to still try and change these things...for the better.

As much as I want to accept myself for who I presently am, I still want to improve. Maybe it's partly from reading all thse children's books written by authors way before our present time...with children always trying to better themselves. Society was different back then; certain things were expected and yes maybe it was wrong to expect those certain things and maybe it was unrealistic to have children change because they simply just wanted to be better, but the idea stuck. I want to continually better myself. I don't want to simply recognize that I have bad qualities and then accept them and use them as an excuse for my actions. I won't let myself do things like pry into someone's life too much and simply say "but i'm nosy" and act as though that now it is okay. I don't want MY bad qualities to be something I force others to accept.

It's soemthing I've become aware of a few months ago and still remains on my mind now.
I'm at least going to try.

my wrists are on fire

I'm finally done that essay. And with that being said, no more typing for tonight. Goodnight.

the inevitable

so its official. and the camping planning is on it's way. I hopefully am not going to disappoint jacsen with the helping. he did kinda ask me and he fully knows I've only gone once, so I say that's good enough of a warning of the potential crappiness.

sooner or later I knew this potentially awkward situation was going to come up. It was inevitable despite what others thought. It will be interesting to see how it plays out. At least for the first little while. And even though it is kinda exciting in it's own bizarre way, I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little worried about what may happen. But in a some twisted way I'm sort of happy for it all just because in it's own way it offers me closure. It may just be what I need to finish off this drama-filled chapter in my life. Kinda ike when you read about what happens to the characters after the movie ends.

haha and I had a side thought of...and there will be others to see/protect me from an explosion. That was the worst. lol

The camping talk is making me think of all the food we could have. Of course not all possible, but you know a girl can think about her food. I need to take a tally of the coolers that can possibly be taken up and some advice from jacsen on what can and cannot fit...and on how much boys eat.

That reminds me....maybe I should take this oppertunity as an excuse to get a bathing suit. hrm. why do i think I'm not going to end up buying one? We'll I'll look and if there are any that I like.

I'm getting myself excited although it is about a month away. It's just different this time because I actually know kind of what to expect and how things are done and what not. Last time was all about the learning.

tinsel

A part of me wanted to do something... I could have made things a lot easier for myself.

Then I thought, doing so would just be really petty of me. And as much as I've been mistreated, doing the same would just mean I was acting in the same manner. I don't want to be like that.

Is it as ridiculous to do something so that I am NOT like a certain person as it is if someone did something to be like someone else? Opposite but the same.

Just makes me think.

milestones

Brother's graduation. Just another one of those things that remind you how old you are. The one person I expected to be there wasn't. His little bro didn't make it to the stage unfortunately. Saw Leo, lost her after the ceremony as we were pushed through the crowds, and then filled myself on cheesecake until I found her again.

We do the same old dances around eachother. The reason for doing them may change but it's still the same steps afterwards as it has been since I was little. That is one relationship I don't ever think I am going to understand. It is one relationship I try very had to not mimic.

I'm trying to get onto the treadmill a little bit more now. After magically losing that weight I gained during first year, I have decided that with a little bit of [treadmill] effort, I could actually get a little more svelte (haha that's the first word that popped into my head) and you know, not die of a heart attack and all. yay for losing weight and not even knowing it....now if I can continue this bit of magic...

took a peek at the jazz festival on friday. didn't stay too long because the tent was incredibly hot despite the ceiling fats and opened sections. I was looking at a few people and wanted to sit with a tall, cold lemonade-looking beverage too, but the few scattered seats were too awkward to get to and the lemonade probably overpriced.

just realized that my essay next week has to be about 10 pages. interesting. I'm not an essay type of person. You tell me to write a scientific article on the other hand...

I should make notes or something. I always froget what I wanted to write about.

oh and never buy raspberry delight again...lol

dim sum and lychees

I was lucky. The one day out of the three that I could actually make it downtown, they were showing their film. And despite all of the times I have seen it on the computer, it was ten times better up on that big threatre screen. I really thought they had a shot at the gala event. And a part of me thought ooooh I get to dress up. But the movie was good, and had they had time to edit it properly, it would have been great. I am quite impressed.

Things in this house aren't done because we want to; it's out of obligation and fairness. Things must be equal at all times. Equal tot he point of where we have to do the EXACT same thing. Oy is all I have to say.

Batman was actually good. All those critics were right. But I'm gonna have to rewatch it when it comes out on dvd. We were so close that a lot of the action/fight scenes were a blig blur of black shadows and movement. And katie holme's crooked way of talking, although cute on dawson's creek started to annoy me on the big screen. maybe just cause her mouth was a million times bigger.

I need to clean my room. It's getting kind of gross. But whenever I do something other than reading with my spare time off of work, I feel uber guilty.

6 songs

so after seeing that jeanette of all people had actually done the six song thing, i felt compelled to do it. but i guess for those of you that know me, you would know that there are songs that i can sing from begining to end and wont be able to name if my life depended on it. and there are also songs that i know most of the words and make up the rest. so as i sat there thinking, i came up with about 2 before giving up. a list of "you know that song by so-and-so with the line blah blah blah" isn't the easiest thing to understand.. especially if it just so happens to be one of those lines i made up. so sorry to disappoint packie and amanda.

Thinking is Overrated

Sometimes you can't help but feel a little taken for granted.

And it's a strange feeling. Not that I've never felt taken for granted, it's just still a very odd feeling. I didn't knwo what it was at first...just that something didn't feel right...just that I wasn't happy the way I normally was.

It's draining to put all that effort in and feeling as though nothing is coming back to you. It one thing to be thankful and other thing to actually try back. I need more trying I guess.

tequilla and tabasco

So despite Joker advertising that they have three rooms, it's really only one. We were kinda worried when we walked into the bottom room and found it deserted. Going upstairs we found where everyone was...even tho it was still semi empty when we walked in but semi cheap drinks helped fix that... And I have decided that that Kevin guy I talked to on the phone was GREAT. Thanks to him, no cover and line bypass..and luckily he didn't keep a count, cause then he would have realized my group of 20 turned into about 27 or so...

I enjoyed that the three of them had enough guts to jump on the podium and dance. I needed to be a little more drunk before that would even be a consideration. It's nice seeing that they're still as close as ever. It made me laugh when Cris came up to me and asked me why Ryan and Jacob were bizarro him and Luke. I found it even funnier that he was the one that realized this (cause usually people don't see it themselves) and decided that he and Luke of course were the better looking versions. Me and Amanda actually got the four of them in a picture. It made my night. I think it was the drunkest Luke has been, although he didn't look it. But oh man that boy can hold down a lot of liquor. Surprise visit by Sam was nice. AND I finally got to meet Jeanette's Stephen. He's cute :) Ans so if he's as nice and good as she tells me he is, then I say he's a definite keeper. lol joking..but not at the same time.

I was craving poutine from those stands back in london and although great, johnny's fries just don't cut it. However, the onion rings made me feel a little bit better. mm deep fried battered onions...

OH and went to the Oshawa office on friday for a shift. I wish I could work there all the time, it's so much easier and orderly. It also showed me that some of those situations that you don't think you'll ever have to deal with after highschool still have their place in the workplace as an adult. It something you;ll never be able to leave unfortunatly. Oh the politics and the drama... my gut instincts about people apparently are pretty accurate sometimes, surprisingly. Just hearing the stories; its unbelievable what even grown adults are capable of. We all aren't as mature as we like to think we are.

Chalazion

wednesday was a day straight out of that cartoon 'the weekenders' except of course it was wednesday AND we were missing a fourth. We just hung out...in various places...and found ways to amuse ourselves. And made great fun out of the nothing day.

i LOVE those fried onions in those johnny burgers. The burger themselves are okay, but the FRIED ONIONS...mmmm

a friend of mine hand-fed a fry to a seagull...well, after i convinced him it would be a good idea. After a few tries, the seagull actually came up and snatched it right out from between his fingers. We videotaped it, and the seagull was clearly poised to make an escape even before it got to the fry. What was I doing during this whole time? Hoping his finger didn't get bitten off (afterall fries look a lot liek fingers) and hiding behind my purse. you know, just in case.

I lost the mid-day popsicle challenge. partially cause I was already full from johnny's, partially because I don't really care for banana popsicles, and partially because it was too much...creamy.
I got some on my jeans and I don't know what that ice cream filling is made of (especially since it claims to be low fat) but it left a grease stain.

Tried to 'booby-trap' the playground with our one sad hole. Needless to say , it didn't work.
But that sand sure was quality sand. Almost beach-like.

Finally got a tv and restored balance in the Leung household again. Although now that I think about it, I still haven't touched it.

Looking forward to some dancing tomorrow. Its funny cause we're not really 100% confident about the 'fun' factor of the place...yes fun factor... We just tried to make the night as cheap as possible. And note for next time, calling the clubs gets you a lot more than just emailing them. Yay magical guest list.

greek food and the Freshly Squeezed special

So even though I can't exactly make you a list of all the things that have been keeping me occupied (cause in all honesty it feels as though I've been doing nothing), I feel as though I've been so busy and as though right now is the first time that I've actually had nothing to do. Well not NOTHING cause there is the ever-present homework situation, but nothing that needs to get done or requires me leaving the house.

Jeanette and I both decided today that leaving for university slightly screwed us. And we both agreed that with what we pay in rent every month (and utilities and food and whatever else), we would have had a car by now if we had stayed....easily. Not a new one, or a nice one, but one that runs. AND if we had actually put our minds into saving for one. Things are differnet when it comes down to: you HAVE to pay vs. you SHOULD pay.

Yesterday went out for an impromptu wing session after afterlife didn't work out for us. Ryan brought Mona, which threw me off at first just cause one, I didn't know they still kept in touch and two, when was the last time I saw her? It was weird just cause shes a part of my old old old old old life. It was almost like a mini Bede reunion...except for the fact that I usually see Ryan and Anthony...

Submitted my first essay for this english course last Friday. I'm gonna admit, it's a piece of shit. A weak thesis, crappy supporting arguements, and you know me, I have no concept of grammar or sentence structure. But I had no time and it was a rushed job (definitly!) and I only knew half of what I was talking about. Hrm, reminds me that I need to figure out when this test is so i can request some time off....

next friday, gonna be heading to Oshawa to cover a shift. This should be quite interesting.

achoo, bless me

i am sick.

the point of the sickness that you only feel yourself getting worse, not better.

i knew the busy-ness and lack of sleep would eventually catch up to me. low immune system. it was inevitable. i never recover from these things unscathed.

so the plan on this rainy night? neocitran and some sleep. maybe a book too. not one i choose to read, but so far, most of the ones for this course aren't bad. i really liked the princess and the goblin. made the rushed reading of it not bad at all.

the complete nonsense of edward lear tonight it is.

qbert

Today i saw the two sides of my father that i have become accustomed to. One minute a gentleman, the next an asshole. As they say the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, and sometimes i wonder about myself. Truthfully, I saw a bit of myself in it. The part of myself that i know comes out when i'm pissed off or frustrated or put up against a wall. And yes sometimes the other person did deserve it, but watching it as a third person made me think that maybe i should try learning to take the high road and not stoop to their level. I guess cause partially in the end, you'll still look better coming out of it all no matter what the outcome.

The other day i was leaning over to shred some papers at work and i got my hair caught in the paper shredder (yes i am THAT cool). I forget how long it is sometimes and still sometimes find it pretty much in my food thats on my plate. Anyways, i reacted quickly by pulling my hiar outta the teeth of the shredder praying that it would just pull out and wouldnt get caught. Wouldn't that be interesting with me bent over, hair stuck in the damned thing in front of a waiting room full of patients. It only took off about an inch from a section of my hair. No one saw the little incident and the missing hair was not noticable unless i told you since my hair isn't exactly one length anyways. let's just say was uber relieved.

While i was away at school, my dad and brother decided to paint the windows of the house on the outside. I however, did not know that they had painted my window shut accidentally and struggles to get my window open. My dad insisted i was stupid and had left the lock on the window on when i jokingly asked if they had had all the upstairs windows sealed up while i was gone. To make a long story short, me and stephen took turns on a 20 foot ladder trying to cut away the paint of my window while the next door neighbours looked on. We didn't bother doing the bathroom window like we were supposed to.

Don't think i like that destiny place like i used to back in grade 12 or whenever it was when we used to go there. the new place is huge and noisy and the drinks arent as good as i remember them. then again, maybe i shoudlnt be deciding this after having nicki's super sour lemon juice with no sugar in it.. it was.... certainly interesting alright....it was literally tapioca balls in pure lemon juice.

i got 10 outta 10 on my first quiz of summer schoool, yay me! although it was easy. i wish i had taken a speed reading course sometime in life. it would help a lot right about now. damn you two novels in one week! it's not like i don't have other things to do....

sorry yoyo, i tried witht he whole capitalization of tings, but it seems somewhere in the middle i forgot and im not going back to change them all like last time.

who knew little red riding hood had so much meaning... who knew that in the original version, it says that she took off her clothes before getting into bed with the wolf.

assumptions and shiny gold keys with bonus capitalized sentences for yoyo

Again, yet another thing gets twisted around. It's like when celebrities read the tabloids and find out that they're apparently in rehab for a painkiller addiction because they said once that they took a tylenol. And yes i'm exaggerating, but it paints the right picture. It's just a guess, but i'm pretty sure its just a lot of stuff being picked out of context and read without knowing anything about the situation and also while still being mad at a gajillion other things. But nothing much i can do about it. It's getting kind of funny now. Not to be mean or anything, just feeling kinda disconnected to it all. Not funny haha but amusing funny. hmm.... yes they are different, i've just decided.

So the room is painted and although it was kinda ugly going on, it dried to the colour i wanted (phew), which is good. We found out the landlord was paying for all the paints and supplies which was another bonus of the day. Yay! Saves me about 50 bucks for my room alone. Also picked out colours for the bathrooms and living area. Kristen and i are aiming for a super girly bathroom for ours downstairs cause we figure when else can we do something stupid like that. That's right never, cause it's not really something i wanna have in my real house when i'm old. tried to squeeze all the furniture including the big desk into the smaller room. At one point we just stood in the middle trying to figure things out. Needless to say, i have to get rid of a few things. But yay for reduced rent and i would gladly give up the extra room for the added cash. And as much as i do wanna help, i'm kinda also hoping that the house gets all magically painted by the next time i am able to pay a visit.

I hope you don't want to shoot your head off now. I think i got them all.

bits and bites

it was the first time the drama has reared its ugly head again, but in an indirect way. it was afterall inevitable. as much as i wanted to go and say hi to a few friends that i haven't seen in a while, i also did not have to deal with any reprecussions of my showing up....not that i could guarantee there being any, but it was better safe than sorry i guess. and it was weird sending him there knowing that i wasn't going. leaving his house to go home while he went the other way. a part of me felt like saying hey i'm not going to make this easier for them especially since i was already there with him. but i'm better than that and it wouldnt be fair to everyone else. and i'm trying to realize that eventually i will just have to deal with the chance of drama and just go...and learn that either way whether i see it or not, something will arise from my coming.

in truth i've been semi avoiding this one person, whether she knows it or not. i've tried once in a while, but a part of me just isn't sure and i cower again in my comfortable little corner. but sometimes i feel as though she's just too connected and in an odd spot. and i'm trying to learn that hey i should trust her enough to separate things but trust is a hard thing to keep. but i'm still trying and avoiding just seems so much easier

that reminds me, the other day i was reading random blogs and there was this one girl who was writting about trust. something about her sister and a rumour at their office...cause i guess apparently they worked in the same office. i should have kept the link, it was quite entertaining, i sorta questioned whether it was real or not. but after reading it, i thought it's true.....if i had lost trust in someone, i would propbably be willign to betray them in a heartbeat. well you knwo considering the circumstances, cause afterall they must have done SOMETHING for me to no longer trust them and i'm not one just take things sitting down if i can help it. i mean, i don't owe you anything and i know this is not a great way of seeing things but if you're being stupid about it, i have every right to be stupid too if i chose to. if you slapped me in the face, i would have no problem kicking you back...but harder.


so after visiting the house on saturday, we girls realize that we have a bit of work ahead of us. and even though it seems like a lot, we figure when else are we gonna be given an oppertunity like this. and from hearing other people's horror stories, we don't feel so overwhelmed afterall. i just hope some things are cleaned really well when i get there tomorrow. oh man boys are gross. i should pack gloves just in case. but it's painting the room tomrrow and unloading the rest of the things off the truck and this time the boy will be coming nad meeting the 'family'. lol

and this children's literature course may kill me even before it officially starts.

granola, breakfast of champions

it's all done. finally. although this year has passed with surprising speed.

i currently have a carload of stuff in the middle of my living room floor. i am so glad my mom isn't here to yell at me. i was so close to not taking it out of the car at all. and part of me knows that most of it will never get unpacked.

it felt kinda weird packing up my room. weird in a this is actually happening in a way. if it were my memoirs, this is where another chapter would be ending and in the movie verison, where the scene would get all quiet and end.

moving my computer into my room just now has made me realize how much crap i have sitting around in boxes and in corners and on my bookshelves. things i for some reason wanted to hold on to. and for some reason now, i just don't have that same need to keep them around. so i figure i should go with this new wave of clearing things and finally clean out my room.

aftershocks

i haven't really had time to think about it, actually i really didn't let myself at first. but i just couldnt help it the other day. i think it scares me that apparently you couldn't help yourself. that you in some way had no control. it scares me that i would have never known if things didn't explode. it scares me because it sounds like it just happened, that there was no reason, so i still don't know why. things were good, there were no arguements; if anything, i began to understand and for lack of other words, accept who you were better.

and i guess, now i know how it is...not that i ever wanted you to have to make a choice. you know i never asked you to... but to sound cliche, actions speak louder than words and what you did showed me something. honestly, i feel as though because it just happened, you instinctively decided what you wanted to do. you knew i just wanted to end things...even if they were on bad terms. i wasn't up for another fight.

just as some are newly formed, some are breaking down. and yeah through this all admittedly, i do miss what i had sometimes. but honestly the memories have been so long ago and so clouded with what has happened that i almost don't remember them anymore. and i think thats why it's not so hard to say goodbye after a while.. when everything that you remember is bad.

i do still wanna try. but i'm tired and trust doesn't come easily. sometimes i'm sad, sometimes i'm numb to it all. i'm trying. it'll work itself out one way or another.

i'm a whole new person because of everything....and i'm not sure if thats a good thing or not yet. the jury is still out.

sizzle

i finally got to lay outside and feel my skin burn under the sun. and even tho the grass had bare patches and every once in a while a train would pass, and we were technically supposed to be studying, it was perfect.

eraser bits

it's almost all over. three more exams in four days.

I was looking forward to having the car all to myself when i got back. it was mainly just having it available; not that i had any real plans with it. days filled with spontaneous adventures and errands or just lounging before things got busy again. but those days are all already filled up somehow...with moving, working, and just random miscellaneous. I won't be getting much of the house all to myself afterall it seems before mom gets back. I'm still kinda surprised at how my week of nothing got so crammed.

Also, because i'm only here for so long, i refused to get more groceries and am determined to live off of what i have here...that and i was too lazy to walk over to the a&p and figure out what to buy that would only last me about a week. So as of late, every day has sorta been an iron chef competition with myself as i try to get creative with my one 'theme' ingredient i pick each meal. but thanks to mommy and daddy wong today, i was spared from my lunchtime battle. i haven't had soup noodles for soo long. mmmm

this moving thing is getting COMPLICATED. okay, it's not really, but there are just a lot of things left up in the air. A lot of things i'm nervous about leaving up in the air cause i'm done soon and leaving here. but at the same time i know i shouldn't be worried, it'll all get worked out. i can't wait to see the house all empty and ready for us to take over. i'm really lookign forward to having the girls there and our little london downtown right there and not having the guys downstairs talk on the porch below my window when i have to get up early the next day.

and i'm also looking forward to restarting anew. spring is a time of rebirth n'est pas?

1

first one down. and one course officially done!! whoohoo.
thank goodness I accidentally met up with Kim on the bus. Who knew my tutorial guy left out all that stuff.

the difference was we weren't friends

You ever reach that point where you would do almost anything short of gnawing off your own limb just to make something go away? When you were almost willing to sarcrifice your own arm or leg just so you could get yourself somewhere else? Do anything that allows you to just turn away and leave it behind? When you didn't care what happened because in the end you would be gone?

I didn't want to deal with it anymore. It was easier cutting it short. I'm past it. There's only one goal in mind and thats separating myself right now. No throwing myself back.

mini break

Classes are done for another year. I was talking and semi-freaked myself out...third year already. Not saying that it hasn't been a long time getting here, but it just doesn't feel as though I should be in third year. But then again, I kinda have these moments a lot.

Less than two more weeks and then I'm outta here. And yeah it's early this year which is great but I'm kinda jealous of all those who have their exams so beautifully spaced out. Just cause there are a couple of courses I actually have to do well in to get into courses for next year and so far, theyre not looking so good. Oh why did I leave all this reading til the end again? One day I will learn....maybe.

I'm gonna miss Lindsay and Mallory being so close next year. Yeah we didn't do a whole lot, but I liked stopping by after classes just to say hi, watch some tv, and I liked having them around to go grocery shopping with when no one here needed to. And I also like that I'm finally getting to know Natalie's roomate nextdoor... I guess you don't appareciate these things as much til theyre gone. But the extra money in my pocket will be great and having the girls there all the time will make up for it I'm sure. It sucks when they live on the opposite side of campus and you don't wanna come home at night on your own. Sorta like highschool, but without the car or a decent bus system. Cabs can get damn expensive when you're on your own. Oh this makes me think of all the moving struggles I'm gonna inevitably be faced with. booo

now back to the genetics. yay me.

lighter

i can't honestly say that i wasn't surprised about the whole thing...because i was. I'm not really sure what induced this. And yeah it may have been a little later than the ideal scenario but it's still something and that i gotta acknowledge it and appreciate it for what it is. i took it as a sign that maybe it was some sort of gesture in some way, and even though it may not have been at all, it was certainly something i think.

it was honest effort. it was genuine (i think). i just appreciate that you did all that.

things are a changin' and i will too

failing the hunt

two journeys later, still no psp. i'm begining to think that all of them have some sort of pixel problem. and according to the future shop lady, a whole bunch are getting sent back.

oh future shop and your pretty yet very see-through bags. me, being one of those people who just think of strange things like this, was hoping no one would mug me since it was very evident a 300 dollar toy was sitting on my lap.

but hey it was worth a shot and it kept me out of the house for a bit, which was a blessing in disguise i guess.

it was a great day to be out, a little cold for the flipflops i was wearing but still great. i love it when i come home at 830 and the sun is only still setting.

it's almost seven o'clock and i'm looking outside my window and it's still bright and sunny and the birds are still out! this makes me sooo excited for summer! i'm so giddy right now. *squeals*

here comes the sun

another day of no flipflops! damn you clouds! *shakes fist in anger*
the one day i finally don't have a lab.
foiled, three days in a row.

this trident very bery gum is surprisingly good. i didnt think i would like it but here i sit, chewing and slightly addicted.

ooh and tomorrow is free flip flop getting day! it's this thing from ralph lauren you get after you fill in a survey. me and jackie will be matching...lol. and you're not allowed to laugh if it turns out they are made of paper or high quality bristol board.

summer is coming!!!! i'm so excited!!!!

second

yeap second post of the day....weird huh. that and i really can't get into this report. let's just say browsing through thousands of scientific articles isn't fun, especially when you wait so long for most of them to load and then they end up not even being in english. so i have lots of time to sit here....doing nothing.

speaking of loading...our internet is uber slow and i can't figure out why. but then again, i'm not the type of person to even begin to understand why.

anyways, the main purpose of this entry...

i've started to only now have time to think. i've started to catch up with things. and yes sometimes i see things and automatically assume, but i've also taught myself to ignore these assumptions. i'm not going to act based on something i've seen. i've learned a lot from the last little while and at the same time i'm also just as confused. what should i do next? should i try and talk? honestly i'm tired of it all. no more analysing, no more trying to get into the mind of someone else, no more! it seemed that i always end up doing the wrong thing no matter what i chose, so why put the effort.

i don't mean any of this in a mean way. just incase somewhow it comes off as that. it's just how it is in my head.

since all that has happened, i need a break. i honestly can't get myself to dive back in right now. it's almost as if during that time something was lost. and no i don't mean a connection or a friendship necessarily, but more of something along the lines of confidence or trust, although those aren't it either. it is this unnamable something that prevents me from doing whatever it is that i think i should be doing. i can't say exactly what made it disappear or fade or when exactly it happened but it did. the closest i can pinpoint it to is sometime after things settled with that first mess and before this second thing, although i didn't realize it back then. something about the whole situation made me look at things differently i guess and that changed a lot of things. and all i have left is a general feeling...one that doesn't make me want to go rushing back into things. and i know this is selfish of me, especially considering the circumstances but i can't try when i'm not ready because it'll end up in a far bigger mess, not to say i don't still regret what happened...i do.

it's not that i want to end things entirely, i do still want to be there, just not right at this moment and just not in the same way. and i know that it'll never be back to where we were, but i don't need that to happen either. so for now baby steps, i need that something to come back...at least a little.

as much as this blog is good to get things off my chest, i sometimes wonder what the point of it is when i can't even write what i want to say.

...never dusted.

i am so annoyed at you, i can barely even talk to you anymore... not that we all didn't know that this was coming. anyone could have guessed this would all explode.

through this all, i think i've finally realized at least partly why my parent's marriage fell apart...why it was sorta doomed from the begining. it's a weird feeling when you feel as though you are suddenly in their shoes. years of this can certainly build up a lot of resentment towards one another. and imagine, i've only been having to deal for a few months...and at least i have someone to be annoyed with. and i wonder if my parents knew what they were doing to eachother...or did they just not see?

do you know that you are doing this? ....maybe you just don't see that these things don't just happen. and maybe that's the most frustrating part..that you don't know what we have done....that you don't realize how much we actually do...that you think your contribution is adequate...that maybe these things DO just happen...magically.

and yes, a normal person would have just said something, but i have in smaller ways and it just came flying back in my face. and i honestly feel as though i will never get the backup i need...so this time i'm just going to grin and bear....just a little longer. and somewhere there is a lessen learned. things happen for a reason.

on another note, the people in our new house won't be moving until pretty much the last day, which makes things interesting for us, especially since we want a new coat of paint and our carpets cleaned. so this whole moving in thing is turning out just a little bit harder than expected, but then again we were surprised at how easily everything was going. kris and i already started thinking about our bathroom! haha. as much as i'm gonna miss you packie, i think this whole thign was a blessing in disguise...for us both. and i mean that exactly how it is and also in an extra bonus *wink wink* sorta way.. haha yes TWO meanings for you..lol

liz found out one of the guys in her classes is living above us next year.. what were the chances of that huh liz? and no.... you're not allowed to date people in the house.. that could be very awkward if you break up...lol

oh flying tomato, i just realized how much i'm gonna miss having you across the street...now that i'm addicted. dammit i knew i should have just stayed away.

k no more procrastinating or else this already seemingly endless micro project really won't get done.

in need of some pepto

i'll never really understand st. patricks day. but it's fun and so maybe i don't care to understand how a religious holiday turned into a drinking fest...just because it originated in ireland? i heard somewhere that it was to celebrate his death. we sure don't celebrate jesus that way.

my stomach is kinda acidic. at first i thought it was the shrinp ring and cocktail sauce i shared with jackie, but now i'm thinking maybe it's also from the vodka last night. i realize that this feeling has been off and on all day and i think the cocktail sauce just made it worse. i really shouldn't ever go back to vodka, it's proven time and again it doesn't like me...ugh.

on campus i was getting weird 'knowing' smiles today...and it wasn't until later when i bumped into an acquaintance that i finally understood. everyone who gave an extra smile or extra nod was also wearing green today, and i guess they assumed...well knew, that i also had not been home yet. and it was true, who really makes an effort to wear green the day after?

we broke the tradition and had martinis instead of beer. i was tempted to have one...since its only once a year that it's green but oh the beer belly of 2004... and honestly it doesnt even taste that good.

went by the new house today too... and yeah my room is small and jess may have no lightswitch and the walls need another coat of paint or two..but the rent is better and overall the place is great and the location is even greater and this has really changed a really shitty situation into a good one. well as good as it can get with it still actually happening and all.

we've decided that luke should dress up as waldo ( as in... where is waldo?) for halloween...well actually, i decided that...he never actually said no. but waldo is great.

wow

and i just reread my last post...and wow i sound stupid.

for the other a is for...

just came back from dessert and the bar...i guess in a semi celebration that midterms are finally done. and only about two and a half more weeks until finals start....
i like that what starts as a 3 person thing eventually turns into a 7 person thing just by picking people up on the way. it's a small world sometimes. the bar was pretty full for a sunday night considering people are still in midterm mode. one day we will get drunk enough to actually get up and sing. but tonight, we just laughed at the randoms and the people who we recognized from our classes and have never actually spoken to.

i thought the few drinks had no effect one me, the walk home was alright even with the icy patches and the laughter. but then i went to take off my eye make up and was wondering why my eyes were stinging from the eye make up remover when it never burned before. and as i stood there confused, i suddenly realized i was using toner. and i know it sounds really ditzy of me to be telling this story..or maybe because toner to you is somethign you put in a printer or a photocopier...but just trust me, it burns.

i'm just glad i finally get my break where i only have to worry about a few papers.. yay me.

long overdue

I know I haven't been on for a while. More and more i realized that I haven't wanted to write. But then again, I usually have one or two hiatuses a year anyways...so this may not be uncharacteristic. And mabe a part of it was because I know eventually people I know are gonna be reading this all and it's true what someone said a while ago to me - if you can't handle it, don't read it. So even though i should think fuck it and just write whatever i want, i still can't get myself to do that.

Funny how this all started because I was the one who changed. And i realize now i shouldn't have felt at all guilty because it's not like I did it on purpose. It is true, no one has NOT changed, but at the time i was the only one recognized for it. Glad at least now we see I wasn't the only one who has done so.

And even after that being said, I realize that I should learn to just shut my mouth more. It seems to just be easier. Some people are bothered by things and never say a single word about it to the person they are pissed off at or sometimes it just comes out as only a fraction of how big of a deal it was in their head and they try to pass it off as nothing. Although it may sound stupid at first, I'm starting to think more and more that this is the way to go. It is true, i was always a little annoyed that they will never know and think things are really okay but it seems to be a system that is working for many people. Cause in a lot of situations when others don't speak up and i do, i always end up looking like the bitch. I'm tired of getting taking the blame when other people are sitting back thinking the same thing.

Everything is setting itself up nicely for next year. There were a lot more people moving out this year than i anticipated. I was actually quite shocked at the amount once i started asking around. Not really sure what jeff is doing, but i''m pretty sure he wasn't too keen on living with me either. In some weird way with jackie leaving, it worked out in that we would have never moved otherwise and we would have been stuck with our 520 in rent and utilities every winter month. Or maybe that's me just trying to make myself feel a little better.. lol

dan is great because he listens when i tell him to do stupid things like buy wasabi-covered peanuts and mix them with sour balls and make people unknowingly eat them. oh the smile whenever someone popped a wasabi ball into their mouths. it was hilarious. even more so because they were his friends, not mine who were dying. but apparently they do stuff liek that to eachother all the time. :/

i am oddly content. i feel like i shouldn't be though.

a discussion with myself

i don't know how you do it...how you get under my skin without so much as a single word. how can someone just merely walk into the room and initiate such a reaction within me? i feel so hateful, yet at the same time, i feel it's perfectly justified.

i don't think i will ever get it. i will never understand you, your humour, your family, and especially your thinking. I have never understood how you could be so particular in one way but then in others so different...characteristically different. Maybe that's why you bother me...because you're so hypocritical in your ways at times. that you know how to complain and fuss but don't do anything to remedy these same things. i don't like how you probably don't realize how much we have done. how you think things are magically always like that. or perhaps you think your few contributions are in some way equal. or maybe you know and simply don't care. afterall these things have always been done for you without you even noticing, im sure.

i don't understand how you can be so controlled by them..that even your opinion changes from one second to another just because they give a hint that they think otherwise. i don't understand how you are so dependent on them. i don't get it when i see you struggle and instead of just guessing or using your best judgement, you cower and then go running back. it's like you are incapable of thinking for yourself...and i think that really frustrates me.

i just don't know what it is about you. i can't put my finger on it...

i realize it's not so much 'bad personality' (for lack of a better term) and it's moreso a compatibility issue between us. i'm sure people exist out there that think you're just swell. i think i know some...maybe. although now that i think about it, you're not 100% with them either. i figure you're not a constant person in my life so this anger i feel shouldn't be such an issue. i'll let it swell up and ebb out as need be until it is no longer a problem. this will fade with time, this i know. i think i'm an angry person...

until then i should stick to low doses.

the end.

'it'

how do you know if it is really 'it'? how do i know i am not just fooling myself? people have said (albeit in movies and other fictional circumstances) that you just know. i think this is 'it'. ...but is my mere questioning of 'it' proving that it really isn't?

i haven't experienced a lot in this department. i am the equivalent of that baby that has just discovered how to crawl. and a few week-long flirtations (because they really don't deserve to be called much more than that) obviously do not count. this is my first actual relationship. the first time where there has been compromise and understanding and just overcoming a lot of shit. and sometimes i feel as though i'm too naive to be judging the validity of my 'it' feeling. i wouldn't know what 'it' is or isn't. sometimes i feel i need to explore a little bit, just so that i can fully grasp what i have. a lot of things change once they're in perspective.

sometimes he seems to fit so perfectly (i'll spare you the enzyme/substrate analogy), despite how we are both flawed and retarded in so many ways. it's like.. the things i need him to understand; he does. but sometimes, just sometimes... i wonder if there isn't someone else who also fits. afterall, how do i know? maybe he doesn't fit all that great but i just can't tell because he's like my first pair of shoes and i don't realize that shoes aren't supposed to pinch my toes. not that he's a pair of shoes that does that...

no matter how much has changed, i see the old me peeking out once in a while. the one that is insecure and ready to run and always wondering what's on the other side.

i am happy, i really am. it's just once in a while, my head kicks the shit outta my heart and takes charge for a bit and i question.

undecisive...again

i had psyched myself up for it. i told myself it wouldn't be that bad. but i realize i couldn't do it. i perhaps wasn't that strong nor tolerant. the oppertunity just found me and really, i guess it continued the cascade of events. who knew what one sentence 4 days ago could do. now i find myself set on finding my own way even if this doesn't work out. and right now it doesn't look like it will. but either way, i still need some time. i mean i could just be caught up in it all. funny how i felt so guilty when really the same may be happening to me. but i'm tired of it all. oh if only i were braver... if only i cared more. we'll see how it pans out. there are pros and cons on both sides. some weighing more than others. i hate decisions. i just can't make them.

what i want for christmas...

i've decided that if i could have anything; it would be some more time. it would solve everything. no, seriously. you need money? get extra time to work. essay due? get extra time to write it. need to see everyone in the span of a week and a half? solves that too. that evie (pronounced like the letters E V) chick from that tv show had something there....

i don't know when it happened, but i've suddenly gotten too lazy to do or care about anything anymore. i remember back in grade 12 when i still couldn't drive...everyday i would hop on that nugget bus and go somewhere. all that just to do nothing important or in particular EVERYDAY! now it seems too much of a hassle to take it into campus. i remember being up for anything; ramming my days full so that i was constantly busy from morning to night. i can't do that anymore. i've gotten old- and very quickly.

and again on boxing day...maybe it was the lack of sales or maybe it was the lack of expendable money...but oh man..amanda we were one sad couple of girlies. it's true, trying things on is too much hassle....highly overrated i must say. but i got a lot over the few days considering, but it was stuff that i've been eyeing for a while mostly..like my boots and brown couch pants.
but we had our adventures and found our few treasures (haha i rhymed) and created our curry cloud on the subway. that was soo hilarious that moment we realized we kinda smelled like curry. it's like smelling B.O and then trying to check to see if its from you. oh man. its okay amanda, they'll never suspect a whitey and her china friend. it's all good. oh and i loove that black hoodie thing we got from the outlets. yay for getting cheaper stuff.

another highlight of this break was finally going to one of the boy's fam jams. oh boy he has a lot of family. but nothing disaterous so i guess that's good. and well i guess things were a little more comfortable after the first hour or so and the fact that sam and this girl tammy (also not part of the family) were there helped a lot. it was reminiscent of all those parties i went to with my friend's relatives all over the place. the only difference is, is now i actually care what they think. the highlight of the night? i guess the boy's drunk cousin and his equally drunk girlfriend telling me that i was hot. lol i think i'm gonna like this family afterall. but seriously kidding aside, despite the awkwardness and the nervousness on my part, his cousins are cool and i honestly felt semi confortable with them by the end of the night. and this is good.

for new years i decided to go out. out out like i had intended to and wanted to before break began. i just got lazy as break went on and things werent planned and really, sitting just sounded so much more appealing...just because i wouldn't have to move. but i figured if i had to move anyways, it would be to the beat of music and in a drunken haze. it was one of my drunkest nights. and oh so fun! a lot more people showed up than was first expected and it turned into this big thing. but people were still missing.. i felt it. but i got my dancing out of me and it semi made up for the fact that i missed nicki's b day and hey i'm smiling.

i can't believe i'm back here. as short as i know this term is gonna be, i still don't want to deal with everything that is coming with it.