I like boys who buy me coronas...thank you

It's semi early saturday morning. What am I doing up? I guess when I 'sleep in', it means getting a full 6 hours of sleep instead of the 4 or 5 I usually get.

I haven't had a night like last night for a while. It was very relaxed and well to be honest, food-filled. And as I was on my way home, I couldn't help thinking that the eating til 3 probably was the reason I gained so much weight before. I appreciate these nights more now that they don't happen so often needless to say. Those Neil boys sure had a lot of crazy stories but then maybe that's expected when you have a school full of boys.

It scared me last night when I realized how old we've become even if we don't feel it. I'm finding more and more people I know with not just jobs, but CAREERS now. I'm not old enough for a career yet.. yuck.

After talking to one of the hygenists at work about all the drama and what really happened that I didn't know about at this and at the other office, it just became more blatently clear how these things are all the same. There were many parallels and sadly, this tells me that even after what has happened in the past year or two, these types of fights will be a threat no matter how old and how mature you get. We talked about our own experiences and what I saw in the situation as an outsider. I told her that they both looked stupid and they both made assumptions and that they were both selfish in their thoughts. I told her I don't blame either one of them for acting as such. I told her that it put a lot of things in retrospective perspective (does that even make sense?) with what has happened with me in my own personal drama. I told her to let the grudge go. It's no point in keeping it with you and letting it control your life. Girls can get so catty. In the end, to make things sane in the office again, someone had to leave. So we lost someone that week. She just quit. Although I would like to say I would never leave my job over soemthing like that...I understood her need to get away despite everything and suddenly didn't think that was a bad idea at all.

and I'm back again...

Wow. I must really not want to read this book cause here I am again. Although the Hobbit isn't really that bad, I find it a bit confusing, and that in itself makes me not want to read it. Things are different when you know what you're reading is going to be on an exam. Gobblins, Dwarves, Elves, Hobbits, Trolls... they are all relatively the same to me. I get mixed up on who hates who and which ones are evil.. blah blah blah.

I jokingly say that God gave Luke this magic job to get him out of my hair. I get so much more reading done with my days off now. I was a little bit sad that he was going to be workign just as I start to get more free time with this course ending and all but right now it's sort of a blessing in disguise. Looks like I will actually be able to read through all the extra course materials and study for this one afterall. At the same time, it feels as though my potential time with him is getting eaten by an evil monster.

Not looking forward to this 9 am exam...with the 2 hour commute on top of it. I might as well be driving to london now that I think about it.

Work drama has ended and I don't have to be uber careful about what I say to people anymore. I didn't want to inadvertently get caught up in it. It's amazing how one innocent thing turns into quite another. Reminds me of my own drama in many ways. We are all stupid. Every single one of us.

Still on the bathing suit hunt. I think it may not end very well. I can't quite find one with both a top AND bottom that I like. Why does it seem that all halter style bikinis have a belt and belt loops on the bottoms? oh that and I have elephant legs.. lol

Shopping for the new place is fun. Too bad none of it is actually in the house. I should really figure out a day to go down.

Welps I guess that is all for now. Back to Bilbo I go...

Learning curves

You learn from observing what's around you. I'm just glad I'm not in the middle of the mess. It's amazing what you learn when you're on the outside.

I've found that:
Sometimes when people complain about others, they fail to step into that other person's shoes. Some people accuse others of things that they are guilty of too, but they just don't realize. Those who point fingers and accuse others of being selfish and narrow minded are often selfish and narrow minded themselves. They fail to see beyond how something affects themselves....reasons as to why things happened the way they did. They can only concentrate on the hurt it caused them and nothing/nobody else.
But it is human nature I guess to cry about your own plights and ignore the reasons of why these things happen to them. It is human nature I guess to treat others badly as though it is nothing and then when treated wrongly yourself, act as though it was the worst thing in the world. I guess it is human nature to have a naturally biased view on things. Maybe it's just natural to not try and see how you would think and act had you been in the other person's situation. Maybe it is human nature to think that you know the whole story/situation when you really don't. It is human nature I guess to remember what you want and convieniently forget what you don't want.

I'm sure I've been guilty of it all. We are such ugly people sometimes.

I hope I am learning to be less ego-centric about things.

growing

I may have written this in another post somewhere. It's not the first time I've thought about it.

I'm all for learning to accept yourself for who you are.
I was never a person who condoned trying to change yourself for others.
I have accepted that I'm always going to be slightly overweight and that I have inherited my grandma's stubborness and that I'm too nosy for my own good at times.

But this doesn't mean I'm not going to still try and change these things...for the better.

As much as I want to accept myself for who I presently am, I still want to improve. Maybe it's partly from reading all thse children's books written by authors way before our present time...with children always trying to better themselves. Society was different back then; certain things were expected and yes maybe it was wrong to expect those certain things and maybe it was unrealistic to have children change because they simply just wanted to be better, but the idea stuck. I want to continually better myself. I don't want to simply recognize that I have bad qualities and then accept them and use them as an excuse for my actions. I won't let myself do things like pry into someone's life too much and simply say "but i'm nosy" and act as though that now it is okay. I don't want MY bad qualities to be something I force others to accept.

It's soemthing I've become aware of a few months ago and still remains on my mind now.
I'm at least going to try.

my wrists are on fire

I'm finally done that essay. And with that being said, no more typing for tonight. Goodnight.

the inevitable

so its official. and the camping planning is on it's way. I hopefully am not going to disappoint jacsen with the helping. he did kinda ask me and he fully knows I've only gone once, so I say that's good enough of a warning of the potential crappiness.

sooner or later I knew this potentially awkward situation was going to come up. It was inevitable despite what others thought. It will be interesting to see how it plays out. At least for the first little while. And even though it is kinda exciting in it's own bizarre way, I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little worried about what may happen. But in a some twisted way I'm sort of happy for it all just because in it's own way it offers me closure. It may just be what I need to finish off this drama-filled chapter in my life. Kinda ike when you read about what happens to the characters after the movie ends.

haha and I had a side thought of...and there will be others to see/protect me from an explosion. That was the worst. lol

The camping talk is making me think of all the food we could have. Of course not all possible, but you know a girl can think about her food. I need to take a tally of the coolers that can possibly be taken up and some advice from jacsen on what can and cannot fit...and on how much boys eat.

That reminds me....maybe I should take this oppertunity as an excuse to get a bathing suit. hrm. why do i think I'm not going to end up buying one? We'll I'll look and if there are any that I like.

I'm getting myself excited although it is about a month away. It's just different this time because I actually know kind of what to expect and how things are done and what not. Last time was all about the learning.

tinsel

A part of me wanted to do something... I could have made things a lot easier for myself.

Then I thought, doing so would just be really petty of me. And as much as I've been mistreated, doing the same would just mean I was acting in the same manner. I don't want to be like that.

Is it as ridiculous to do something so that I am NOT like a certain person as it is if someone did something to be like someone else? Opposite but the same.

Just makes me think.