After the chase, you work on the relationship

One of my housemates is dating the school president. The other is possibly starting something with her TA and has a blind date tonight. And another is learning with her boyfriend to start leaving clothes and food and whatnot at eachother's places so that it's easy just to spend the night all while trying to keep this a secret from her mother...who calls incessantly. The last housemate we're all convinced has a secret lover. She disappears a lot and has a lot of time gaps in her activities and seems a little more than friends with this one guy.
Is it bad that sometimes it just feels as though I'm missing out on a part of this university life? Not that I necessarily want to throw myself back there either. But its a part that makes going to the bars or going to a party of someone you don't really know a little more appealing. It's true and I've had this conversation many times. Things are just different when you're with someone. And we've seen it happen...Girl goes from routine bar-hopping to staying in because she doesn't feel like it anymore.
It's always been strange to be in this stage of feeling single because your boyfriend is non-existant in terms of my social life here and being part of one of those boring, old couples who are quite content on just sitting and doing nothing for the night. I like the freedom to do whatever with the girls but also don't like it that I can never have one of those quiet nights in either. And it may be strange but I get jealous of both extremes. I get jealous that I no longer have the same drive to get out there anymore and that the part of the 'fun' about going out is gone. And here, a large part of going out is about picking up and flirting a few drinks out of people. And unlike kris, there's no more crush-linked excitment and encounters with 'the boy'. I am also jealous everytime megs or liz have their boys here just to cook and watch a movie. I'm retarded I know.
But it's only sometimes I get jealous and only sometimes I forget how hard it would probably be for me to go back to being single and how I'm just so busy sometimes that I'm kinda glad that at least this is one less thing on my plate and that maybe, just maybe this is good for me.

strap on my utility belt

I've always been compelled to make somewhat of a decision on things even before the choice is really given to me. I guess I need to know where I stand on things before I face whatever it is. So I've made my decision and the outcome? Based on which company wants me...if any. One's just not worth me staying here. I could cell count in my backyard if I wanted to and possibly being the one with the unfortunate luck of getting the farm soil enriched with manure isn't something to look forward to when getting up in the morning. I'm still a believer in fate. The fact there wasn't a single bio job in Toronto must be significant in some way.

islet transplantation

So after I thought that I had my mind made up, of course it changes again. I thought I would never have a chance at these internship jobs so imagine my surprise when I get these emails about interviews. And image my surprise again, when I, who had already decided to opt out of this whole internship thing, really start to take a liking to this diabetes research one. It's something I ACTUALLY want to do. The drawbacks? It's here in London, which means spending another year out here. I know people who will be here for a fifth year but no one in my actual program so looks like I'll be sitting in class alone again. And I don't like the idea of being 'the random' for group projects. Do I wanna spend 6000 on rent and food?

And it's times like this that I realize how important he is in my life. He's so much a part of it that I can't make any decision without considering the implications it has on us. Even when I don't mean to. I don't even have to try or think about it, it just happens.

And maybe it just comes down to whether I would be mad at myself for passing up an oppertunity like this just for the sake of not being so far away if in the end we don't work out. Will I regret not doing it after my 'investment' turns bad? All the other factors in this difficult decision I can figure out and deal with. I can figure out if I'm willing to give up that money; I can deal with knowing no one in my classes again; I can decide on my own if I want to devote an extra year of my life to this school thing. But I can't seem to gauge how I'll feel about being a 5 hour commute away for an extra year and if it will all be worth it in the end. And I never really thought I'll be that type of girl, but I am. It's not like I'm giving up a life dream or anything, it's just an internship..that I might not even get. And I'm glad I have someone there that obviously means that much to me. It's just a strange feeling... to feel something tugging at you when you're so used to being able to take off without a second thought.