i feel as though i am ten pounds heavier, but it was well worth it. we did nothing but EAT today. lol it was crazy and girly and i loved it. although basically planned this morning, jess, jeanette and i ended up in st. lawrence market getting groceries for our picnic. it was great, got cheese, bruschetta (sp?)stuff, roasted red pepper dip, french bread, grapes, strawberries, a quarter of a watermelon, tomato basil turkey and another seasoned chicken thing (both highly reccomended by the gino butcher guy), raspberry lemonade, and also an assortment of desserts. we walked to a nearby park.. or rather a parkette.. or maybe we should just call it a little oasis inthe middle of front street (picture a island of grass and a fountain in the middle of a street that splits in half), you know, the one behind that funny shaped pointed building? we sat, spread out our food and ate, and ate, and ate. four hours later, we were done. lol. you think im joking, but im not, and we still had dessert left. The eating had started while we were shopping at 1ish (mmm free samples), continued for our four hour feast and after exploring, we ate our dessert and then had drinks in the marche while trying to stalk sam and her swiming people, who were supposed to have dinner there (this was at 7:30). oh and we must not forget the cinnimon sticks jeanette and i had in the subway station while waiting for jess.
i love downtown people. they are soo friendly. we acted like tourists and took pictures of everything. so many people offered to take pictures for us or gave us a friendly comment (ie: when we were taking a picture of me and jess grabbing the ass of this guy postered on the bus stop, an old business man laughed at us and said, "i know what you were doing!") i got a briuse on my elbow trying to climb a lamppost. jess got stuck up in a tree. jeanette felt naked. we met some new friends (sort of) named sinbad, marlon, spike, charlie and penelope and fed them grapes and helped them get the peanut. and yes, even though they were all pigeons and squirrels, we were highly amused by their antics. even the crazies were entertaining, until they get too close and we get scared and start to frantically pack up. i swear she was scary, she would walk around and yell at things.. some of the weirdest things happened today but definitly exciting. thank you ladies

went down to the AGO today.. was excited about the surrealist exhibit, but was kinda disapointed. was looking forward to seeing cool paintings of dali and margritte and miro, and although these artists did have works on display, they were few and far between. i expected whole rooms dedicated to them but no. there was a lot of this masson guy, who at first is cool, but it quickly gets broing cause its all scribble-y. there were also a few of those creepy juxtaposed pictures of naked women like the ones i saw in new york. the big hamburger is still there.. i was thinking i wanna make my own.. and have it in my room.. summer project?? its made out of painted canvass... and i can just stuff it with cottan batting or bean bag styrofoam balls.. you can take it apart and have different mats/hugs pillows... i would have a tomato and cheese and a pickle.. hm maybe i dont even need canvas.. i can just use fabric.. i see it sorta looking like those trolli hamburger gummis.
lesson learned for today: i dont care if you have an afro, if you have a receeding hairline, DON'T WEAR AN AFRO PICK

even though i was dreading the bus ride to lis' house in the steamy heat, it wasn't half bad, and turned out to be really good for me. on my way to the bus stop i passed by darryl's house and had a nice talk with him about highschool, elementary school, graduation in general. i didn't even mind the fact that i could feel myself start to drip with sweat..or rather, i didnt even mind the fact that i was starting to 'glisten'...lol. on the bus, it seemed like a mini st. bede reunion. i talked the whole bus ride and reminised. thats the only reason i like the nugget; the chances that you'll see someone you know are very high. lis' house was great. i missed her and it was a good time to catch up. later bowling with lis, jac sen and yoyo where i totally sucked by the way, but still managed to get a strike in before jac sen.. yay me! on the way to school for grad i got hit on by some middle-aged man in a little blue car...i got scared and walked faster even though i knew that no matter how fast i walked, he could easily have truned around and come back to get me... he was afterall in a CAR. also on my way to school, i met up with a gaggle (haha wow i actually used something from W5H) of geese in the middle of my path. there were seriously 25 of them (yes, i counted). at first i started to walk through them. some of them parted, some of them stayed, but it was eventually too weird for me and i decided to take a huge detour around the pond. and then looking back, i see that the stupid pack of geese moved..
graduation was one big sweaty mess.. there were a billion people there.. but i got to see mozzone, adam and nicole..
everyone is gone.. i realize that i dont know many people from the younger grades...it hasn't hit me yet, but it will next year when i walk down the halls and don't see anyone i know anymore.

thankful for:
- it not being boiling hot when i had to take the bus today. i was worried that it was a high of 32 but there was a nice breeze.
- darryl driving me part way to work despite the fact that he totally didnt have to and didnt feel stupid having a little grade twelve in his car with his friends..or maybe he did but didnt show it, and that's all that counts.
- a cashier who didnt show up for work and thus i didnt have to be in the women's area for my whole shift..
- granola bits in my fruit-yogurt parfait.. they are agruably the best part... i think im gonna try making my own with berries, vanilla yogurt.. and that quaker harvest crunch cereal in my house..
- gap repackaging their perfumes, which means half-off SO PINK for ang just as she was running out.
- people that don't get mad when they find out you and a few friends ate all of their timbits.
- deciding to wear running shoes today despite the fact that i felt incredibly short.

i want to try that berry yogurt thing at macdonalds.. it looks really good. it took long enough for new food to start coming in. i remeber seeing that thing and lots of other stuff like salads and soups in the states a long time ago..

i got jaxs all to myself today... a little adventure
-spent more money than i should have
-had people think we were hong-kongese cause jaxs made me look at the stupid clock with her...
-a boy offered jaxs a chair..sort of..lol
-jaxs got sexy pants

tomorrow is gonna be hell..and with the heat to accompany it. firs tto school for new sac stuff.. and then more sac stuff and then off to work...
you know what my latest idea is? a little convience store on the bus. yep one right on there, cause i have no time to stop off somewhere to eat. there will be no lunch or dinner for ang..

i feel restless. remember the days when you longed to just stay home? all you wanted to do was lie around like a big blob and watch tv. Why can't i be that blob anymore? i sit.. but i feel as though i should be doing something else. something more productive...something with more meaning. it's not like i have time to just sit and do nothing either, it's a rarity in fact...i can't even survie one day without going slightly crazy.

i think i have had too much time to think lately... its only been a half-hour on the bus here or an hour in my room there.. but collectivly, its a lot and i tend to over-analyze things - which isn't good. it's better not to give me time to think about stupidness, cause when i do, i over do it and make things a big deal when they are not and see problems where there really isn't any. why am i a big mess.. there's nothing even wrong..

i've decided that the internet is poison.. i simply waste too much time on it doing nothing. i was never one of those people who could simply just 'surf' the net. i always had a mission, and once it was completed, i had nothing to do. however, i would continue to sit there.. looking at dribble.. sometimes even staring at the stupid browser window. i'll still come on.. but no more wasting mindless hours on it when i could be doing something else. what i should have done tonight - stayed in my room with a book, hot cocoa and an our lady peace cd playing. but instead i was here.. doing nothing and feeling stupid and resentful and angry at myself. i'm sorry i promise i'll be better soon

jeanette i did those stupid quizzes..

BLUE You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive. Find out your color at Stvlive.com!

i dont know what's wrong. did i do it? i can't even write about this here.. i feel like a loser
i gotta go pay a visit to my diary...

today was my first day of me just sitting at home.. i enjoyed it.. im still in my fish pajamas at 5:00 in the evening.
i cleared some of the clutter from my family room.. cause in the last month of school i have covered it in school work and have left it alone.. i swear papers make babies when you dont look, because it seems as though the crap has multiplied. tomorrow i have work.. my first shift for a while during the day, on a weekday, when i would normally be in school. i have dinner plans at vanessa's.. she's making me curry.. and not yellow curry.. BROWN curry.. cause according to her yellow curry is only for potatoes (which by the way, she also says should NEVER be mixed with the meat curry!). but i believe that the two can be mixed.. in a symbiotic relationship.. and taste rather good.
im probably going to end up sleeping there.. especially since i have pajamas and bathroom stuff still there. and plus, i'll be able to walk over to school the next morning to get my chem mark.. eek.. im hoping jess is home so that its not just me and vanessa's brother and big sister in the morning after vanessa leaves the house at 8.. then maybe lunch out with leo, yoyo and jacsen?
oh if you guys need me, call me on my cell cause i dont know where i;m gonna be.. unless its thursday night.. then im at vanessa's get me there..
sam what's happening with the penis dialogues?? what nights is it playing? im working saturday early until about 5 i think.. but you guys couldnt do it saturday right? well i'll see you tomorrow at school anyways.. call me to tell me when youre going to see your mark so i dont have to cry alone.

my hair smells of grass (the plant not the drug) and my t-shirt smells of sweat and dirt. i ran around an uneven lawn in heels chasing a soccer ball. i learned how to play magic.. well sort of.. and gee its the most complicated game in the entire world. i pretended to be avril lavigne..on a skateboard, with the wind whipping through my hair and refusing to wear a helmet because "avril doesn't in the video" and ignoring the fact that if it were not for the person dragging me down the street, i wouldnt be able to even move an inch.. let alone stand on that bloody thing. i lazed around.. doing absolutly nothing, and didnt care, simply because i wasnt alone while doing it.

it done..its all finally done..
despite the fact that sam and i both got raped by that final, we're done.. summer has officially started. i now know why i didnt feel it before. it was cause i was never really done. but sadly, i'll still be in and out of ward for a while.. gotta check that final mark on friday... got sac meetings.. ugh..

the countdown has started
there are 13 1/2 more hours until my chem final.. which also means that it is only 15 1/2 hours until i am totally done with the year.. ugh!! i think im starting to feel some of that end of the year excitment sam was talking about.. not much.. but there's a glimmer.
im studying my brains out.. well sort of.. i dont seem too worried about it, which is usually a bad thing..

this weekend was excellent! got my ear pierced finally as a finished school present! heheh i enjoy it so! also went out for crepes with jeanette, sam, petrina and vanessa at the marche.. mmm sooo good.. my new favourite thing in the world is vanilla sauce.....*drools* we talked for about three hours! being loud and obnoxious.. we were one of those tables of people that you could hear from across the room and who you would give dirty looks at.. but i didnt care that we were loud, or annoying.. it was SO much fun and sort of a release to get our last end of the school year frustrations out. so what if the movie day didnt really work out.. and so what if i gained like a bazillion pounds.. it was well worht it.. now off to study chem.. sam's major studying and my lack of is starting to make me nervous

it's over.. IT'S FINALLY OVER!!! but it still felt so anti-climatic. everyone's been working so hard to get to this one point... and once its here... it means nothing. it didnt feel like the last day of school the way it normally does. in previous years, you would feel the last week.. and feel the building anticipation of summer. this year, there was nothing....
.

the following is a list of things i have done to distract myself from studying:
-watched the view
-took an hour-long nap
-read people's blogs
-checked e mail and delete junk mail
-made myself a late lunch
-finished off the carton of chocolate milk
-proceeded to try and fill the enpty carton with garbage until it was full
-walked around my house
-consumed a hlaf a bag of doritos
-looked at pictures
-check e mail again and delete junk mail
-shaved my legs
-made myself yet another snack of crackers and cheese
-talked on the phone
-ate a mango
-made a mental plan of what to do for the rest of the week
-thought about possible new york trip
-thought about how bitchy i was today
-sorted trhough some laundry
-blogged
the list kinda goes on.. and really i'm not so prepared.. but funny how i dont really care right now.. i bet i'm gonna have a freak out tomrrow though

fed up with everyone.. including myself. i think its that time of the month again

she just held it in her hand, merely feeling it with her fingers. she had simply taken it out of her bag, to see, to hold, to remember. and despite the fact that i laughed and despite the fact that i made fun...the idea was really sweet. and yes, maybe a little too sappy and weird for me, but nonetheless sweet.

i don't really have time to blog, but just to let you know the vagina monologues were great!! in the words of sam, " i feel so enlightened".
it was a weird feeling at first when we saw the sea of middle aged business women and then us.. one of the few groups of teenagers in the audience. but after a while, it felt good with them... i wanted to be like them when i grow up, coming in with black capris, hair done up, mules and a matching patent leather purse, looking as though i just got off of work, and after the show my friends and i would go out for drinks. it was nice having the feeling that all women can relate to these certain situations and openly talk about them and joke about them and have a good time. it also gave me a window to situations which havent come up.. things which i can't relate to as of yet, but can picture happening...it was wonderful.

i'm such a girl
why do i have to be such a girl about things? i over-analyse.. over think..make things an issue when they are not. Why do i torture myself with things that really shouldn't matter? why do i make things seem like a possiblity, when it really is nothing? i hate being a girl.

today was a day ripped right out of hell. a million things went wrong and i just feel really crappy. bad mood + rough day = antisocial ang. so maybe i wont go to the party and ruin everyone else's night? sounds like a plan. hopefully this funk will be over by tomorrow

WHOO HOOO!!
and now one good thing that came out of this very crappy week.. jeff and i are officially done physics!! whoohoo!! last unit 19 mark in and everything!!! yay us! and now i have to try and not fail..i mean carry over law...(haha we look so weird.. whats with the hair shadows?)

i'm cooking dinner.. for myself.. and being very domesticated. lol
i wanted to invite people over for dinner a la ang.. but found out about the empty house wayy too late and was too hungry to care.
on the menu tonight: lemon pepper sole, corn on the cob, and rice.
it smells good so far.. i'm convinced there's a chef hiding somewhere in me.. somewhere. or not.

space cowboy?
i don;t know if i like the idea of a bubble-gum-pop boy going into outer space. i mean.. he's obviously not qualified.. what happens if there is some big space explosion? what would he do? he would just get in the way. if i was an astronaut who studied all of my life towards this one goal, wouldnt it suck that he took my spot on the ship? i know he;s not the first one to buy himself into space, and i know if it wasnt for his money, the shuttle may not even launch at all but he's still a pop star for goodnesssakes