it is beauuuutiful outside
waking up with the sun shining in and going outside and realizing it is a beautiful 20 degrees can only make the beginings of a great day. it doesnt take much to make this girl happy.
Friday, October 31, 2003
Thursday, October 30, 2003
gentle
i learned something today from someone very close. after the familliar feeling of the pang in my heart subsided, i felt stupid because tears started to fill my eyes as i read what was written. never had anyone said anything like that me me before. never had i felt so special. it was as if you knew that it was what i needed to hear... and not even necessarily from you but from anyone at all. it was like it filled some void that i had, that had been ignored. you don't understand what those few sentences did to me just now, but it did a lot...
i don't know exactly what or how, but i know ive been changed a little.
i learned something today from someone very close. after the familliar feeling of the pang in my heart subsided, i felt stupid because tears started to fill my eyes as i read what was written. never had anyone said anything like that me me before. never had i felt so special. it was as if you knew that it was what i needed to hear... and not even necessarily from you but from anyone at all. it was like it filled some void that i had, that had been ignored. you don't understand what those few sentences did to me just now, but it did a lot...
i don't know exactly what or how, but i know ive been changed a little.
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
3 days
the exam is on saturday. it's wednesday and i have yet to start studying. i was fine with it until i started talking to people and it seems as though everyone has already started to read up and do questions and panic. its not that i really think im ready...i actully NEED to study. but this is what ward has done. nothing gets done til it HAS to get done. i can cram information in my head and half ass things like no one's business. im not sure anymore whether these are just bad habits that ive picked up or whether these are survival skills im glad i have. its also made me realize that could be really really good student here.. if i tried harder.. but right now i dont think im willing..
the exam is on saturday. it's wednesday and i have yet to start studying. i was fine with it until i started talking to people and it seems as though everyone has already started to read up and do questions and panic. its not that i really think im ready...i actully NEED to study. but this is what ward has done. nothing gets done til it HAS to get done. i can cram information in my head and half ass things like no one's business. im not sure anymore whether these are just bad habits that ive picked up or whether these are survival skills im glad i have. its also made me realize that could be really really good student here.. if i tried harder.. but right now i dont think im willing..
crash...into me.
i used to worry when people found out; i tried to protect him in a way i guess. i wasnt sure if he was indeed as fragile as i thought he was at times and thought that maybe he would break once a wave came crashing in. yes i thought that it was stupid...that it had to be this way. yes i was a little frustrated..i mean who cares right? but i did it nonetheless.
im not sure what happened or if i just became aware of things, but i think its okay now. i dont have to worry so much. its strange how he doesnt see it; how he doesnt fully realize how things are; how to him people just go to me not because there is a reason to but just because. i see him opening up in front of me. things certainly have changed. maybe i just didnt see it all before.
i used to worry when people found out; i tried to protect him in a way i guess. i wasnt sure if he was indeed as fragile as i thought he was at times and thought that maybe he would break once a wave came crashing in. yes i thought that it was stupid...that it had to be this way. yes i was a little frustrated..i mean who cares right? but i did it nonetheless.
im not sure what happened or if i just became aware of things, but i think its okay now. i dont have to worry so much. its strange how he doesnt see it; how he doesnt fully realize how things are; how to him people just go to me not because there is a reason to but just because. i see him opening up in front of me. things certainly have changed. maybe i just didnt see it all before.
Sunday, October 26, 2003
walking the sidewalk
this weekend went by in a blur, so fast that i have yet to still realize that it has come and gone and all of the things that i did in between their actual arrival and their departure actually happened. there is nothing really to say about this weekend. nothing monumental hapened. nothing we did was extrodinary. it was the little things like watching my friends being stupid because they are addicted to a video game; or reaffirming a 90% bond that you knew was there all along; or coming home knowing that you wont be able to wipe that stupid smile off your face once you enter the room. it was awesome having the group of us together like that again. sigh it makes me wish that somehow mary ward had ended up coming here because it made me realize that although we were all from different groups and whatnot we didnt care all that much and still all liked eachother. oh we would teach western a thing or two.
this weekend went by in a blur, so fast that i have yet to still realize that it has come and gone and all of the things that i did in between their actual arrival and their departure actually happened. there is nothing really to say about this weekend. nothing monumental hapened. nothing we did was extrodinary. it was the little things like watching my friends being stupid because they are addicted to a video game; or reaffirming a 90% bond that you knew was there all along; or coming home knowing that you wont be able to wipe that stupid smile off your face once you enter the room. it was awesome having the group of us together like that again. sigh it makes me wish that somehow mary ward had ended up coming here because it made me realize that although we were all from different groups and whatnot we didnt care all that much and still all liked eachother. oh we would teach western a thing or two.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
karen
i wonder when kids start to notice differences in the way people look; when they start to see what makes one person not like another; when they start to care. i was looking at a drawing my cousin sent to me. she's 8. its of me and her and we look pretty much identical because she only knows how to draw girls one way. the only thing that makes her and i different is that her eyes are hazel and her hair light brown, while mine are brown and black respectively. i still remember the days when she used to draw my hair light brown and my eyes hazel just because hers were.
i wonder when kids start to notice differences in the way people look; when they start to see what makes one person not like another; when they start to care. i was looking at a drawing my cousin sent to me. she's 8. its of me and her and we look pretty much identical because she only knows how to draw girls one way. the only thing that makes her and i different is that her eyes are hazel and her hair light brown, while mine are brown and black respectively. i still remember the days when she used to draw my hair light brown and my eyes hazel just because hers were.
blueberry muffins remind me of home
they're coming...and i can't help but feel a little nervous. school has become essentially its own little world for me. theres the school reality and then there's also the separate reality that i seem to step into once back in scarborough. they both are a part of me but have never really coincided even though there are many people i encounter that are involved in both. so yes, the bubble that is western must find a way to make room for two more...at least for this weekend.
and as everything here continues i sometimes take a little break out of my day and drown out bits and pieces of lectures with my own thoughts. and all those tv shows which had a big part in raising me keep on playing in my head. and now it feels as though i am living through it... i am now one of those girls who makes those trips home. i am now one of those girls who has people coming to stay. its weird...
they're coming...and i can't help but feel a little nervous. school has become essentially its own little world for me. theres the school reality and then there's also the separate reality that i seem to step into once back in scarborough. they both are a part of me but have never really coincided even though there are many people i encounter that are involved in both. so yes, the bubble that is western must find a way to make room for two more...at least for this weekend.
and as everything here continues i sometimes take a little break out of my day and drown out bits and pieces of lectures with my own thoughts. and all those tv shows which had a big part in raising me keep on playing in my head. and now it feels as though i am living through it... i am now one of those girls who makes those trips home. i am now one of those girls who has people coming to stay. its weird...
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
jackie is studying...i should be too
i'm in love with my professors.. but not in a sexual way.
i love the way my chemistry teacher talks.. his accent, which is british (we think) and his little boy-ish mannerisms make him the cutest old man on campus. last class someone dropped a glass bottle and the 'ping' of it hitting the linoleum floor makes him perk up from the overhead he is writting on, and he asks, "vodka?" its better if you hear the accent and see the innocent droopy face that accompanies it..
my calc teacher is terrible, so maybe this is an exception. if anything he provides me with entertainment and a new appreciation for ms kopach (thats right i've said it) but he is little, has a little scratchy, nasily voice, and oversized glasses. he reminds me of beastly from the care bears. and im not exaggerating. his stupidity and the ways in which he interacts with our class clearly indicates that he didnt have many friends as a child..and he clearly doesnt have many now. although one time i saw him and his other little old proffessor friends running a few laps around our rugby field. *shivers*
my psych teacher has ways of making psych really interesting.. i admire how he finds ways to get the class involved. i laugh at least once every lecture with him. today we were talkign about dreams and fantasies. he asked what the number one thing people fantasize about. 1200 students yelled out SEX, only to find out we were wrong (it's failure and success by the way). his rule is if the temperature is still in the double digits, he doesnt have to wear real pants. ( he wears shorts or capris by the way.. yes picture patch adams in khaki capris!! lol)
i'm in love with my professors.. but not in a sexual way.
i love the way my chemistry teacher talks.. his accent, which is british (we think) and his little boy-ish mannerisms make him the cutest old man on campus. last class someone dropped a glass bottle and the 'ping' of it hitting the linoleum floor makes him perk up from the overhead he is writting on, and he asks, "vodka?" its better if you hear the accent and see the innocent droopy face that accompanies it..
my calc teacher is terrible, so maybe this is an exception. if anything he provides me with entertainment and a new appreciation for ms kopach (thats right i've said it) but he is little, has a little scratchy, nasily voice, and oversized glasses. he reminds me of beastly from the care bears. and im not exaggerating. his stupidity and the ways in which he interacts with our class clearly indicates that he didnt have many friends as a child..and he clearly doesnt have many now. although one time i saw him and his other little old proffessor friends running a few laps around our rugby field. *shivers*
my psych teacher has ways of making psych really interesting.. i admire how he finds ways to get the class involved. i laugh at least once every lecture with him. today we were talkign about dreams and fantasies. he asked what the number one thing people fantasize about. 1200 students yelled out SEX, only to find out we were wrong (it's failure and success by the way). his rule is if the temperature is still in the double digits, he doesnt have to wear real pants. ( he wears shorts or capris by the way.. yes picture patch adams in khaki capris!! lol)
turning things upside down
my new past time is rearranging my room..going through my drawers and rediscovering what is in them...even though i only filled them about a month ago (hardly enough time to justify the rediscovering). even though im more than settled... im always looking for ways to improve. and right now the space is still new..still has things about it that i have yet to find...even though it is essentially a box. how many times have a i moved the rug around already? how many times have i rearranged the items tacked onto my cork board? how many times have i looked behind me yearning for more pictures to add to my wall? it is definintly therapeutic in a way for me...a way to constructively distract me from work.. something with a concrete result i can actually see. i dont sty static. i get bored. its reflected in the way i sit, the way i eat the way i do everything.
hmm i just realized that jaxs locks the bathroom door when shes in there.. at least it sounds like she locks it.. she's scared of me going in there? lol
my new past time is rearranging my room..going through my drawers and rediscovering what is in them...even though i only filled them about a month ago (hardly enough time to justify the rediscovering). even though im more than settled... im always looking for ways to improve. and right now the space is still new..still has things about it that i have yet to find...even though it is essentially a box. how many times have a i moved the rug around already? how many times have i rearranged the items tacked onto my cork board? how many times have i looked behind me yearning for more pictures to add to my wall? it is definintly therapeutic in a way for me...a way to constructively distract me from work.. something with a concrete result i can actually see. i dont sty static. i get bored. its reflected in the way i sit, the way i eat the way i do everything.
hmm i just realized that jaxs locks the bathroom door when shes in there.. at least it sounds like she locks it.. she's scared of me going in there? lol
Monday, October 20, 2003
Sunday, October 19, 2003
sometimes
i'm scared to death to let you in right now. scared that you'll see and just want to run away. scared that i may come on too strong. scared that maybe i'm not what you thought i was. i worry that one day i might trip and fall and get up only to see you leave. sometimes i may be reading your reactions the wrong way and i know sometimes mine are read wrong too. i wonder if sometimes i am expecting too much....things that in your head you have no intentions of fulfilling. sometimes i think i am trying too hard and get disgusted with myself for being so stupid. to tell you the truth, i think i was just getting accustomed to my box. it began to reflect me. and its not as though i dont want to invite you in but im still not used to it and need that little something to hold on to. not many people will understand why but for those close to me, you know that in the end im more insecure about things than it seems...and i hate it.
i'm scared to death to let you in right now. scared that you'll see and just want to run away. scared that i may come on too strong. scared that maybe i'm not what you thought i was. i worry that one day i might trip and fall and get up only to see you leave. sometimes i may be reading your reactions the wrong way and i know sometimes mine are read wrong too. i wonder if sometimes i am expecting too much....things that in your head you have no intentions of fulfilling. sometimes i think i am trying too hard and get disgusted with myself for being so stupid. to tell you the truth, i think i was just getting accustomed to my box. it began to reflect me. and its not as though i dont want to invite you in but im still not used to it and need that little something to hold on to. not many people will understand why but for those close to me, you know that in the end im more insecure about things than it seems...and i hate it.
skidding along
im sitting here unmotivated, uninspired, un-everything. it's a blah day and i cant afford itbeing a blah day today. theres so much to do.. so much i dont want to deal with right now. everything just seems to be in the same shade of grey. nothing exciting; but nothing bad either. i think things as of this moment are just too mundane. there is no news. there is nothing exciting. i am sitting here staring.
im sitting here unmotivated, uninspired, un-everything. it's a blah day and i cant afford itbeing a blah day today. theres so much to do.. so much i dont want to deal with right now. everything just seems to be in the same shade of grey. nothing exciting; but nothing bad either. i think things as of this moment are just too mundane. there is no news. there is nothing exciting. i am sitting here staring.
Friday, October 17, 2003
today's exam prep timeline
900-physics class... i manged to lug all my calc books to class with me so that i can walk straight to jeff's afterwards to study
10:00 get to jeff's place. he's still sleeping. luckily the phone in his room rings very loudly.
11:00 actually find a place to study. mind you we are technically studying..but we are also technically talking and eating and making fun of people.
12:30 lunch time...which is followed by a few games of pool. by the way i still suck but jeff didnt beat me by THAT much. i had only one or two balls. i do have the occational pool shark moments.
2:00 back at jeff's room. we're packing. he showers, im on the computer emailing, downloding music for him for this weekend.
3:30 downstairs again to finish studying calc.
430 we leave to go pick up the car with two of jeff's floormates and head to the mall. well actually one of them was forced to come cause we wouldnt go without her.. even though she was REALLY studying.
520: come back, jeff makes sure he has everything ready to go, while i nao on his bed. we pack his car.
5:45 on our way to get steph and go grocery shopping. (yes, this is what we are doing an hour and fifteen minutes before our exam).
607 out of the grocery store and we go to drop off the groceries at my place and at steph's.
6:37 we grab a slice of pizza and bottle of water for the drive back to jeff's.
6:43 leave jeff's place and are on our way to the exam.
so yeah there was maybe 2-3 hours of actual studying...and its funny because last year this would never had happened. who goes grocery shopping an hour before their exam.. lol thanks for the day jeff.. have fun at home. now off to study for psych tomrrow at 9
900-physics class... i manged to lug all my calc books to class with me so that i can walk straight to jeff's afterwards to study
10:00 get to jeff's place. he's still sleeping. luckily the phone in his room rings very loudly.
11:00 actually find a place to study. mind you we are technically studying..but we are also technically talking and eating and making fun of people.
12:30 lunch time...which is followed by a few games of pool. by the way i still suck but jeff didnt beat me by THAT much. i had only one or two balls. i do have the occational pool shark moments.
2:00 back at jeff's room. we're packing. he showers, im on the computer emailing, downloding music for him for this weekend.
3:30 downstairs again to finish studying calc.
430 we leave to go pick up the car with two of jeff's floormates and head to the mall. well actually one of them was forced to come cause we wouldnt go without her.. even though she was REALLY studying.
520: come back, jeff makes sure he has everything ready to go, while i nao on his bed. we pack his car.
5:45 on our way to get steph and go grocery shopping. (yes, this is what we are doing an hour and fifteen minutes before our exam).
607 out of the grocery store and we go to drop off the groceries at my place and at steph's.
6:37 we grab a slice of pizza and bottle of water for the drive back to jeff's.
6:43 leave jeff's place and are on our way to the exam.
so yeah there was maybe 2-3 hours of actual studying...and its funny because last year this would never had happened. who goes grocery shopping an hour before their exam.. lol thanks for the day jeff.. have fun at home. now off to study for psych tomrrow at 9
Thursday, October 16, 2003
ba da ba ba bum
so the craziness has really begun to take hold. the midterms, the big-ass tests (quarter terms?) and right now it seems like almost a little too much on top of everything else. i guess i should be glad that its relatively spread out. it isnt going to be like this for the christmas exams.
today was just one of those good days that's a good day without any real reason. i was walking through campus in my peacoat, backpack and a coffee in my hand. the leaves were falling off the trees in different colours and the wind, which was little too strong actually was picking them up and swirling them at my feet. it all felt really good. it felt like the image of university that i pictured when i was smaller. i felt old all of a sudden. not a bad old, but rather a mature old. and i noticed myself walking taller... perhaps a little bit more confidently.. lol it was good.. i do belong here.
so the craziness has really begun to take hold. the midterms, the big-ass tests (quarter terms?) and right now it seems like almost a little too much on top of everything else. i guess i should be glad that its relatively spread out. it isnt going to be like this for the christmas exams.
today was just one of those good days that's a good day without any real reason. i was walking through campus in my peacoat, backpack and a coffee in my hand. the leaves were falling off the trees in different colours and the wind, which was little too strong actually was picking them up and swirling them at my feet. it all felt really good. it felt like the image of university that i pictured when i was smaller. i felt old all of a sudden. not a bad old, but rather a mature old. and i noticed myself walking taller... perhaps a little bit more confidently.. lol it was good.. i do belong here.
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
Friday, October 10, 2003
another sip of water
no matter how busy it gets here, when its all done and over with, it doesn't seem so bad in hindsight. but i guess that can be said for a lot of things. this week was crazy...so many things due, so many things to get done. but now after it is all past, it doesn't seem like i did anything at all.
im excited to come home. and even though the inital plan was not to come home til this thanksgiving weekend, i needed those trips in between more than i thought. i'm still a scarborough girl in more ways than i want to admit. i still somehow can't understand how the montreal girls were so able to separate themselves from everything 'home'. maybe i wasn't as ready as i thought. maybe i'm more attached than i knew. and i'm not saying i'm not ready to be on my own, cause we all know i was itching to get out of there.. to get out of everything; i'm not saying that i haven't changed either-cause i have (a lot actually i've noticed); but i wasn't quite ready to let go of it all either i guess. i've been thinking and maybe some of it has to do with some deep-rooted insecurity that will one day be revealed while lying down talking to my high-priced psychiatrist. even though i knew i wasn't going to lose everyone, there was still the chance of it. going back and seeing everything more or less..or rather everything really important to me was still the same sorta of qwelled my fears i guess you can say. i'm not the type of person who can simply go 'screw you' and walk away from someone or a situation unaffected. i become attached, too attached sometimes...and i cant just separate myself like so many others. the people who surrounded me were my family in a sense in a whole different way than my real one. its stupid i know but i needed to know that they would still be there. and it really made all the difference coming back and staying here and going on with everything knowing that. i saw the change in the others who went back also..wwe're all a little more screwed up than we realize i guess.
no matter how busy it gets here, when its all done and over with, it doesn't seem so bad in hindsight. but i guess that can be said for a lot of things. this week was crazy...so many things due, so many things to get done. but now after it is all past, it doesn't seem like i did anything at all.
im excited to come home. and even though the inital plan was not to come home til this thanksgiving weekend, i needed those trips in between more than i thought. i'm still a scarborough girl in more ways than i want to admit. i still somehow can't understand how the montreal girls were so able to separate themselves from everything 'home'. maybe i wasn't as ready as i thought. maybe i'm more attached than i knew. and i'm not saying i'm not ready to be on my own, cause we all know i was itching to get out of there.. to get out of everything; i'm not saying that i haven't changed either-cause i have (a lot actually i've noticed); but i wasn't quite ready to let go of it all either i guess. i've been thinking and maybe some of it has to do with some deep-rooted insecurity that will one day be revealed while lying down talking to my high-priced psychiatrist. even though i knew i wasn't going to lose everyone, there was still the chance of it. going back and seeing everything more or less..or rather everything really important to me was still the same sorta of qwelled my fears i guess you can say. i'm not the type of person who can simply go 'screw you' and walk away from someone or a situation unaffected. i become attached, too attached sometimes...and i cant just separate myself like so many others. the people who surrounded me were my family in a sense in a whole different way than my real one. its stupid i know but i needed to know that they would still be there. and it really made all the difference coming back and staying here and going on with everything knowing that. i saw the change in the others who went back also..wwe're all a little more screwed up than we realize i guess.
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
tuesdays
Tuesday, which have been dubbed 'hell day' because of its 10-9 schedule was actually not that bad today. and i actually attended all the 8 hours that i had to instead of skipping out on a class here or there.
-had lunch on campus with roomate...m turn this into tradition because its nice talking to her and plus it saves me the trouble of running home between classes. mmm greek salad. im craving vegetables here. every vergetable they serve in the caf ends up as overcooked mush.
-had to refrain from coughing for a good 15-20 minutes while in the student health centre. before you can go in you have to fill out a sars sheet. and if i had told the truth and put that i had a cough, i would have been sent home and told to come back in a week. so i lied and stopped myself from coughing... which was kinda hard. but it was either that or get thrown into university jail for lying on that thing.
-i dont know anything about the interworkings of computers. what the hell is an IP address and why is it having conflicts?
also, yesterday night was the first real bio lab. it was that gel electrophoresis that i already did in ap...the DNA fingerprinting thing where the DNA separates. but this time we all looked like we were employed in a research lab as opposed to us just trying really hard not to spill anything last year. we were in lab coats, with our goggles on, and with 300 dollar micropipettes in our hands transferring DNA...it just made everything soo much better. it was a really good lab for me. and for an instant i could totally see myself working in a lab like that. it's times like that that i realize that i really do belong in university despite the stress and work and whatnot.
Tuesday, which have been dubbed 'hell day' because of its 10-9 schedule was actually not that bad today. and i actually attended all the 8 hours that i had to instead of skipping out on a class here or there.
-had lunch on campus with roomate...m turn this into tradition because its nice talking to her and plus it saves me the trouble of running home between classes. mmm greek salad. im craving vegetables here. every vergetable they serve in the caf ends up as overcooked mush.
-had to refrain from coughing for a good 15-20 minutes while in the student health centre. before you can go in you have to fill out a sars sheet. and if i had told the truth and put that i had a cough, i would have been sent home and told to come back in a week. so i lied and stopped myself from coughing... which was kinda hard. but it was either that or get thrown into university jail for lying on that thing.
-i dont know anything about the interworkings of computers. what the hell is an IP address and why is it having conflicts?
also, yesterday night was the first real bio lab. it was that gel electrophoresis that i already did in ap...the DNA fingerprinting thing where the DNA separates. but this time we all looked like we were employed in a research lab as opposed to us just trying really hard not to spill anything last year. we were in lab coats, with our goggles on, and with 300 dollar micropipettes in our hands transferring DNA...it just made everything soo much better. it was a really good lab for me. and for an instant i could totally see myself working in a lab like that. it's times like that that i realize that i really do belong in university despite the stress and work and whatnot.
Monday, October 06, 2003
dizzy
you dont think it makes much of a difference but it does. i can't help but burst into a sporatic smile while going on about my day. its so foreign right now. its the little things ...like even reading something and seeing certain things now and knowing its not just someone else this time kind of blows me away.
you dont think it makes much of a difference but it does. i can't help but burst into a sporatic smile while going on about my day. its so foreign right now. its the little things ...like even reading something and seeing certain things now and knowing its not just someone else this time kind of blows me away.
i left a few things back in toronto
so a lot has happened this weekend and i think im still trying to wrap my brain around a lot of it. it was supposed to be an in and out weekend of not seeing anyone except for dr. ng and family friends. its ended up not being anything like that at all.
it almost didnt happen. i almost ran away...and i think i would have if he had not brought it up. i didnt really know what to do and the uncertainly well i guess got the better of me. he's the first one...the one im supposed to remember forever...the one im supposed to compare all subsequent ones to.. the one that was supposed to happen when im 13 and not 19..lol. and yes i felt little as i secretly blushed and tried to hold the smiles in but this whole thing is all new. i didnt know it would be this hard. to even decide what we 'are'. yes we're awkward and stupid. but in a way, at least were awkward and stupid together. it may take us longer...sometimes frustratingly longer but yeah... its not as easy as i pictured it all to be.. and as we all know i hate putting myself out on a limb. i had to ask in the end, but it turned out good.. i think.
so a lot has happened this weekend and i think im still trying to wrap my brain around a lot of it. it was supposed to be an in and out weekend of not seeing anyone except for dr. ng and family friends. its ended up not being anything like that at all.
it almost didnt happen. i almost ran away...and i think i would have if he had not brought it up. i didnt really know what to do and the uncertainly well i guess got the better of me. he's the first one...the one im supposed to remember forever...the one im supposed to compare all subsequent ones to.. the one that was supposed to happen when im 13 and not 19..lol. and yes i felt little as i secretly blushed and tried to hold the smiles in but this whole thing is all new. i didnt know it would be this hard. to even decide what we 'are'. yes we're awkward and stupid. but in a way, at least were awkward and stupid together. it may take us longer...sometimes frustratingly longer but yeah... its not as easy as i pictured it all to be.. and as we all know i hate putting myself out on a limb. i had to ask in the end, but it turned out good.. i think.
Thursday, October 02, 2003
nachos and cheese
i wonder a lot if the things i am involved in right now are worth it. the headaches, the time, the trouble im dealing with -if in the end its all going to pay off or if its going to blow up in my face. but i guess right now to me, everything is worth the trouble cause im still doing it all right? its hard to convince myself sometimes.
i wonder a lot if the things i am involved in right now are worth it. the headaches, the time, the trouble im dealing with -if in the end its all going to pay off or if its going to blow up in my face. but i guess right now to me, everything is worth the trouble cause im still doing it all right? its hard to convince myself sometimes.
