i'm feeling fake lately. is it possible to feel fake? i just dont feel like myself. i just dont feel like i interact with my friends on the same genuine level that i used to, not that i know what a "genuine level" really is in the first place. There are some when, after i stop talking to them, it's kinda surreal.. like did that really happen? or why did i say that? im pretending.. trying really hard to make conversation. never felt like i had to put so much effort into it before. Like an out of body experience. maybe i just need a break from it all.. a break to myself...
will probably meet and talk to new people at steph and carlo's party this weekend.. if i go.. it;s pretty close so maybe i can get piked up by mommy or dad..

i'm thinking i have a fear of commitment.. this comes after doing all that personality stuff in religion.. just realized it while reflecting on some stuff.. but of course i didnt write it down. rule#1 for religion: even if you find something that is the truth that you can use, it is always better to lie..

brushing my teeth.... toothpaste really gets gross after its been sitting in your mouth for a while.. just thought i would share

need a semi dress! really getting excited! stupid jaxs isnt coming!! everyone harass her until she chages her mind.. *pout*
actually being semi-productive this week.. cramming for tests and taking answers out of my ass in order to get back on track.. stupid law

oh for anyone who need to drop a course, guidance is putting a hold on appointments because of all the craziness with universtiy applications.. so the deadline for dropping courses has ben extended *phew*

oliver wood=yummy
had a fantabulous time friday night celebrating a friend's birthday. afterschool had a mini-impromptu party.. everyone sat, ate and talked.. a couple of teachers there too. wetzel is such a wicked person. it was a weird semi-bonding moment with him and the group of us.. sharing common stories and laughs.
had a couple of hours to waste.. went to cris' house with emmanuel. good conversation.
harry potter and the philosopher's stone was a really good movie.. and a boy named oliver wood is HOT!! and his accent makes him even cuter.. despite what leo and nic tell you, he's mine. it says so on the table of montanna's. missed our show and had to wait for the next one.. got free hair dye.. l'oreal open... and free lipstick.. shine delice. all full size. finally got in and our group was split up a little.. afterall there was baout 15 of us. got out of the movie at 11, went to montanna's for a bite.. stupid (but soo funny) friend chugged a pitcher of water and felt sick.. being driven by a boy home at 1 o clock is nice especially when it was a big favour cause i live in the middle of nowhere...

thankful for:
-a lovely night with people i havent fully seen/talked to in a while
-rediscovering how amazing some of my friends are
-discovering how amazing some of my friends are
-the amusing way that emmanuel drives
-intimate conversations
-people who run out of the theatre to sneak in kernels and come back just in time for the movie
-people who return "sexy" comments and make the sizzle noise to go with it.. hahahaha
-wonderful jac sen for drving me (living in the middle of no where girl) home
- seeing joyce working.. all grown up..
-girls who just seem to understand

EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT
jess wanted me to tell all of you guys that she wont be blogging for a while..so everyone go to her page and showever her with love, so that when she gets back all the messages will fall and bury her

merry christmas
tomorrow is crazy christmas shopping day!! sweaters are on sale at old navy for 25% off..

now i must bid you all adieu because my brother's friends are coming.. yes.. a bunch of pre-pubescent little boys, who andrew says has annoyingly high pitched voices, are coming to watch wrestling.... ewww too much bubbling testosterone.. help
my plan? seclude myself in my room with my cd collection, thus forcing myself to finish unit 3 law...

the amount of blogging by everyone has gone down considerably... even jaxs is dying. she used to post at least once a day.
but who am i to say anything?? me, the one who ordinarily blogs about once a week.. well at least im consistant! i dont tease people with new posts and then, once they're addicted, disappear... or get a life away from the computer.. whatever

my law essay is going nowehere.. i think i have about 4 weels before my isp is due.. i just realized that all of my reasearch is garbage and must do more.
damn me

jaxs is the best
my blog hates me and gets all sensitive whenever i touch its template. Now i'm not a big html person. but i do know enough that i can change the font size or add links to the side of my page or add a guestbook or comments.. but lately everything i do messes it up.. each time in the same way. but when jaxs goes in, she somehow performs magic. so thank you for fixing my screwed up page again!!, cause you know that me, being so neurotic, see the imperfections on my page and know that they were driving me nuts.

i havent seen my mom since thursday night. and its not as though she or i have been away. our schedules dont match up. and you would think that i would be used to it by now since its been happening for years. but im not. i miss her.

i hate scarborough town centre on busy days. You wait almost twenty minutes in line at macdonalds, just to get up to the front of the line to have the cash close on you.
i think i lost my sex and the city addiction. its on right now. almost over in fact and i have no desire to watch it.
did you see gilmore girls today? boys in tuxes are hot.. even old men..like rory's dad (even though he isnt THAT old).. hahaha if i ever end up going out with a 50 year old man just because he's in a tux, hit me.. HARD

for jeanette.. i hope this helps:
Dear ,
This letter is to regretfully inform you that I will be leaving Japan Camera and the Japan Camera staff. I had come to this store with the intentions to work here permanently part-time at least until next summer. However, the commute to work took more time and effort than was anticipated. After a summer of employment, I have realized that it would not be beneficial to my academics or practical to continue to work at a location which is so far from my home during school.
I genuinely appreciate the time and effort that you have put into training me. I know it takes a lot to teach new people all of the workings of the Developing Lab. I also am thankful for the knowledge and experiences which I will be taking away with me. I have had the privilege to be able to learn to print pictures and basically have been given an “inside look” to picture developing, which few get to see.
Thank you again for all of the opportunities that working at Japan Camera have provided me. It is unfortunate that it did not work out. I hope that if the need comes, you will provide me with a favourable recommendation. To ensure that my leaving goes as smoothly as possible, I plan to stay two weeks so that you have time to hire a replacement.

Sincerely,

okay maybe you cant use it word for word, but it'll probably help right?

why does blogger hate me?

whohoo! i just got mentioned in christine's blog! and its not just a little mention.. its a WHOLE post.. hahahah be jealous i know you are. I love christine and although i havent seen her for ages until about a month ago, she is still basically the same lovable, sweet and sexy person we remember in highschool who all the boys secretly fantasized about. And although her blog posts are the equivalent of grade twelve english novels, i still read just to catch up... (however i do wish she be more specific sometimes with the people she talks about so that i can picture them and imagine them with her, as if i knew them) And even though i don't know of 3/4 of the people she talks about, i still feel comfort in the fact that i am in a way still part of her life. wow.. i just read that over and realized how sappy i am. But i mean every word of it, even though it sounds stupid.

if you had made someone cry, would you want to know?

you ever have one of those days where you just feel older? I had one of those days today.. it wasn't even big things.. it was tiny, insigificant things which for some reason affected me today. I love my friends.. old and new... even teachers.. they absolutly made my day today. If i had any contact with you today, THANK YOU
I had a great evening with my girls. Lying around, sitting on the kitchen floor (racs: non-alcoholic, alcoholic tequilla cooler.. hahahaha).... being indecisive about where to eat, and then jaxs taking charge (hahah rowr!) The chicken lady giving lis an extra wing cause as a child, she was gay too.. the movie and watching jaxs die of laughter when the fat chick on shallow hal dives into the pool and puts out the barbeque while sending the little boy up into the tree from her big splash. (by the way, that was probably the best part of the movie.. it kinda was slow.. but still enjoyable).. and then playing phone tag afterwards to make sure everyone was okay.

JAXS IS MY GODDESS.. I SHALL LOVE HER FOREVER

basically spent my day in comm....
in the afternoon a friend's boyfriend came in.. for no apparent reason i guess.. or maybe there was and i just dont know, well in my mind he came for no reason. and as i pretended to do my law essay, i peered up at them (but not in a perverted, i look at little children kind of way). it was nice just to see the simple way he would go over, and put his arms around her with a sweet "whatcha doin?" or run up and surprise her with a peck on the cheek. im so jealous... you know who you are! damn you!!
went shopping after school and saw jeanette and people from work... got introduced to a guy named patrick only to realize that i went to gifted with him.. he thinks jeanette is hot.. but then again, who doesn't? jeanette also introduced us to a whole new world of chicken lunches from grocery stores! haha and brad pitt on vanity fair is hot, except for the matted-down wet chest hairs on the cover..
christine, a new boy got hired today at your work.. he's really REALLY tall and very blond.. i told jaxs that he reminded me of nick carter "the early BSB years"... the shoppers boy had that really weird bowl-cut thingy that nick carter had.. hahahaha
dont quit honey.. theyre hiring more people! it will all be better soon.

i had a loverly day today. one of the funniest.. most of it with jaxs. so read her blog. im too lazy to write.

look.. i have royally messed up my blog.. AGAIN!...sigh

sign the guestbook as a comment

my anthrax is growing.. okay it's not anthrax.. but it's definitly some kind of cash register disease. I showed one of my coworkers it, and she said she had one too!! so we compared and hers was darker.. more brown.. but mine isnt as bright red anymore.. so i guess its gonna get darker.. her mom said it was a blister too

found another men's cologne i liked. It came in a magazine.. nautica longitude/lattitdue or something like that. now THIS is james marsden in a bottle wrapped up in sex...i will rape any man wearing it. lol. thats assuming i still remeber what it smells like

alert the authorities
remember how a while ago sam was convinced she had anthrax? you know that raised red dot on the middle of one of her finger inside?
well now i swear I HAVE ANTHRAX!!! I get off my shift from work and i'm walking from the back stock room to the front to get checked out and i notice on the muscle part of my palm under my thumb, there is this bright red, raised dot. I had just finished doing the garbage so i thought maybe it was a fruit snack and tried to scratch it off. But then it hurt a lot when i scratched it and thought okay maybe i got a cut and it was bleeding and it hurts cause the dried blood was attached to my skin.. but it was soo bright red, it couldnt be dried blood and it was hard, i couldnt wipe it away. So my dried fruit snack theory came back and i tried to lick it (yes, this is what i seriously did). I apparently didnt care that it was probably fromthe garbage, i just wanted to figure out what the hell this red spot was.. so it tasted like metal.. which sounds about right since i was just putting away hangers also..
and i told sam before that hers probably came from slamming the cash register drawer on it, and she didnt know it.. but even though i was on register today, i couldn't have possibly slammed my "thumb muscle" in it cause i do a weird hip-check thing (which made one customer laugh today.. but he was hot so i dont care).. yeah so maybe it isnt anthrax...and it's some sort of cash register disease.. it looks exactly like a mole, but bright red, and even typing, when it touched the side of the keyboard, it kinda hurts.
but maybe its just blood trapped under my skin.. but how the hell that that happen??

Since reblogger is obviously not working, why dont you leave me comments on my guestbook? eh? eh?

Another wasted day. Maybe I'm stupid, but I'm the kind of person who thinks that if plans are made, they are actually plans and are not just stories told for amusement. I'm probably just being petty and immature to still be thinking of this but it seems as though everytime a couple of people decide to plan an event, others decide they suddenly can't come. I understnad that people have other lives to and must be a part of that because everyone does. And i know these plans were hastily made and not concrete, but the general concensus was yes. If you knew there might be a problem why wouldn't you say something? People bitch and complain when people can't come to their things even though they are told days in advance and complain how now everything has to change because of it. I had to call this person the day of the planned event only to find out that she decided last night that she had something else to do... and when was she planning to tell me this if i had not called? in the evening after she came home? Why wouldnt you tell someone that you weren't coming WHEN you found out you weren't coming? If i were told last night, i could have made plans with other friends, instead of sitting here at home. I would actually be doing something right now. Im not mad.. well yes i am. But i just think it is inconsiderate to make your own plans and not to let me know and make me waste my day waiting in anticipation.

andrew is cool.

having the bestest conversation. An unburdening of the soul. actually a re-unburdening
you've got balls and i worship you.

For ANDREW
so ANDREW.. is this interesting enough for you ANDREW? hehehee

i dont have balls
There are so many things which i wish i could say, but dont have enough guts to (however cheesy they may seem)
- tell the stupid bamburgh circle mcDonalds counter lady/manager: "I didnt order rudeness with my value meal" then asking her for her name and then having all the rest of the staff (who i am sure also hate her) come out and throw hamburger buns at her.
- telling a certain someone that they really have no friends and explaining each and every reason why.
- telling a few different certain someones that i think they are being big assholes lately.
- telling a certain teacher or teachers of how miserable they have made my life and other's lives for simply being themselves.
- go back to former place of employment and tell store manager of how much of a miserable bitch she is and how her hair looks like dyed bundles of straw
- tell certain former schoolmates that "secrets don't make friends" ...lol
- tell sixth grade crush that i liked him..cause then i would have gotten that illusive "first boyfriend" stage over and done with.
- explain to father why we dont really have a relationship and show him the list of "Things I Hate about Dad" which i composed in elementary school tucked in my diary.
- tell my TA that she just "isn't cutting it" and that any family studies teacher who hasn't cooked for 100 people yet or who goes into a panicked frenzy when someone asks her a science question is not the TA for me. And really, you should not be lecturing us about "accepting everyone".. and "not to put people in boxes". cause accept it, we're not two.

why the hell cant i post on anyones blog comments?
did i break the blog comments again?

im glad that half the universe shares the same opinion.. im not being an asshole cause if everyone thinks it, it must be true

this is why i have separate groups of friends
why does it seem like everyone from a certain group is getting on my nerves? okay, maybe not everyone, but the majority. Its for little stupid reasons too.. and sometimes i cant even explain why. I usually just need a break from these people and everything is better. But the weird thing is, is that i havent spent much time with them in the first place. People just dont seem the way they used to be. and i know how that may sound.. but i dont really mean it that way. Some people who i used to have a blast with, i now find petty, and annoying. Others who i have never really talked to, are actually becoming closer.. come on.. im actually carrying conversations with eric yerro without wanting to gauge my eyes out. If you really knew me, you would know how miraculous this feat was.
It kinda amazing when you find new people who you;ve never really conversed with and find out what wicked people they are.. im not talking about eric of course here.. but other people who i've basically only started really talking to this year. How could i have only discovered them now?

but i need boots.. what else will keep my legs warm? besides mommy paid for those..
and i need underwear.. you wouldnt want me walking around with holey ones would you? so maybe i dont need HALLOWEEN underwear.. but cant a girl have a little fun?

im spending too much money.. well especially considering that christmas is coming really soon.. so no more for me.. that's it.. no more mall til december.. or unless its a christmas present..hehee

AHHHHH
The super TA interviews are coming! The super TA interviews are coming! Run for your lives..
And apparently we have a liturgy or mass or assembly something on monday...ewwww.. and its like at 1:30 too.. ewwww

had a beautiful day with nicki, and eventually petrina and vanessa at the library.. wel that wasnt the good part.. speed shopping with nicki was the fun part! got my boots!! yay me.. and also picked up sam's christmas gift. while i was there, i indulged myself in the 3-pack halloween panties ive been eyeing since they came out. heehee.. one of them says "boo" in orange sparkly letters.. it makes me happy. got matching socks for them too.. hehee. half price stuff is good.

I have a chem isp topic! whoohoo me! well not really. but i have some idea of what i wanna do.. well i have two ideas. one i likemore than the other, but its a bitch trying to find information on it. The other has a lot of information, but not as interesting to me, and im not sure what to do with the product after i make it.. it would be pointless just to make it and have it sit there.. i need to talk to skillicorn.
objectives for this weekend:
study for math 9
do math 4
start chem 4
start sph 4
do religion 4
start english 4
finish law 2

what i did today to meet this objective:
watch american beauty
watch cider house rules
eat copious amounts of ritz crakers

THANK YOU CBS! MOTHER AFRICA IS GONE!

basically wasted my halloween.. did nothing. stayed in did physics.. well maybe it wasnt a total waste.. my street was totally deserted.. i looked outside at 7:30 (which i would think is prime trick-or-treating time) and i see literally 3 people. So yeah that was strange and somewhat depressing. Also learned last night, that sometimes it is better to forgive but NEVER forget.. cause if you never forget, you wont get hurt again. And if you do in fact forget, it may just come back and bite you again and you'll feel ten times more stupid for falling for it the second time! People don't change, and you shouldnt expect them too. Well maybe they do... but the change is based on their fickleness.. okay maybe fickleness is too harsh of a word.. if it is a word at all.
Just wanted to say that im proud of my jess for pulling off such a wonderfully creative halloween mystery murder thing... even thought the ending was cheesy and the school was upset that mel actually wasnt dead, it actually got the school talking about it.. and that in itself is an accomplishment! Congrats girl!!
Tomorrow's mission: TRL for both ISPs