rounding the corner
-there's just one more. and i think it's going to be harder than i anticipated. and hearing how everyone's last exams were the worst ones ever doesn't help
-HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEANETTE!!! although officially...im still older than you.
-selling textbooks is the greatest thing ever. even though you can only sell ...like two cause its hard to part with them at such a low price knwoing how much you spent on them initially. but money is money sometimes.

minor underwear shortage scare
came in to change after my morning shower and as I peered into the underwear drawer, I had a mild panic attack. Somehow the few pairs of underwear left didn't look like enough to last me the rest of my stay here even though I made sure last laundry day that there were. And with absolutely no money left on the ol' laundry card( in fact, I'm not even sure where I dumped it), I was thinking...Oh shit. But after a quick count, turns out I'm in the clear *phew*

who knew that something as simple as me looking at my fishies while they are sleeping like the sometimes five year old that I am could make you so happy. Everyone needs to feel that special.

the end is just getting closer. I get sad when I see the cars lined up in front of our rez with family members shoving in a year's worth of stuff into their family sedans with first years elated simply cause they're done school. Its not even getting out of here anymore, cause here is fine. I wouldn't mind staying another two weeks if there were only lectures and labs and whatnot. But because they're exams, and even though its only a week left, it just means so much more...the leaving and all.

so I am glad I'm staying the extra day even though I really don't have to. I found Dan, he's done and apparently not dead. Haven't seen him much since we ended first semester calc and decided on skipping psych for the rest of the year together. We've got a date when I'm done my last exam. Gonna roam around London and catch a movie or something and oh most importantly, I'm probably gonna get fed! real food too.. haha and I may sound obese but I really really miss real food (ie: potatoes not from a box and pasta sauce that actually contains something like meat, instead of just being red sauce) and maybe, just maybe I can convince him to come back and help me pack up my box. But then again, maybe I kinda want to do that alone, play India Arie (and other girls who are bitchy/inspired/womanly) and have some 'me' time...

I have never not understood something in my entire life so much. Apparently linear algebra is right up there with life's other mysteries...things like "the meaning of life". Some things will never fully make sense....ever.

morning of chem ramblings
im here eating my oatmeal and although i didnt fall asleep last night til about 2 just cause i couldnt sleep as always, i am surprisingly awake; not in the death to me, zombie state i was expecting as i rolled over and saw that 1:50 was displayed on the clockradio. can't say im really ready for this either, but i'm not totally scared of it, so i guess that's a good thing right? fed the fish their breakfast..well actually their breakfast, lunch and dinnner combined.. hmm getting fed once a day must suck..especially considering i feed myself like 10 times.. lol

another bede kid got shot.. looks like we're an endangered species...that or we're just that super ghetto

the vert
so its official...i don't have the job that would have made summer and the following year of paying rent soo easy, I wouldn't even have to think too much about budgeting. But maybe it was too easy. Although I was extremely upset, im over it now. a part of me knows that maybe it just wasn't the right time. every time I have really needed a job, I found one relatively easily. Yes it was hell trying to find that elusive first job, but i got it the day of my first interview..and at 7 an hour too.. then when i knew i wasn't going to be able to survive there much longer with school coming and all, Old Navy came. and when when the hours at the store were getting a little too much and too unpredictable for my OAC workload, the nice little two days a week office job came. So maybe my time at the office isn't done with. And a part of me is thinking that maybe i can finally get this waitressing job i've been thinking about since I was a kid (yes it was waitressing and anything having to deal with a cash register which were my main two 'teenage' jobs..lol) and I'll try and balance the whole two part time jobs thing. I don't even mind going back to a store...even if its the Gap cause they pay me pretty well there and plus discounts. we'll see...honestly i think I'll just throw myself at whoever takes me.

creatures
it was supposed to thunderstorm all day. the rain has yet to fall. everything smells muggy...like earthworms and humidity and soil sorta muggy. and in the hallway, this smell of muggy mixes with the smells of the boys across the hall and it makes a whole new, equally interesting and unpleasant odour. speaking of odours, our bathroom smells. it doesn't smell like anything i can pick out.. not pee or anything...just smells dingy i guess. i don't understand it, we just got cleaned. but in the back of my mind i always believed that we never really get 'cleaned' no matter what janitor walt does with his magic mops and cloths because we're always cleaned after the boys across the hall and well, as nice and fun as they are, theyre also boys..lol and yeah just thinking about that whole taking a bath in someone else's bathwater thing is making me creeped out.

thud
i am still amazed at how you always know the things to do or the right things to say when i really need you. that scene from scrubs hits me again...you know cause when you really need someone they're there without you even asking. a lot has changed since that awkward october weekend, but all the underlying, important things have remained the same. last night made me see a lot of things i couldn't or even maybe didn't let myself see, you know, just in case. but yes ladies, i think i've fallen.

swimming...but not literally
im smiling...
-because you called just to say goodluck
-because just when i thought you fell off the face of the earth, surprise email
-because TA buddies are still important
-because the first one wasn't the horrible mess i thought it might be
-because for once it didn't snow or rain today. and the sun is shining and it is BEAUTIFUL outside and because i think i can finally open up my window without freezing my ass off
-because people care enough to wake me up...just in case
-because i'm feeling sorta fat, but i really don't care
-because bio is hidden away now and wont be seen for a good little while...and soon i wont ever have to look at math or physics again.
-because i won a free granola bar.. lol

while i was awake in the middle of the night last night, i thought of something really interesting that i wanted to post. it's forgotten now. i don't even know for sure if it was interesting at all in fact, but at the time it was genius. does my mind just work more creatively in the middle of the night like that or do things just seem better cause im just out of it? hmm and so this post was pointless and not only have i bored you with my ramblings, youre all mad cause this was a tease of a post. admit it.

liquid
so the last week of classes were really not a week of classes at all cause I skipped almost all of them to go home, mainly to see the boy. and yes, even though it was nice seeing you girlies, it's different with the boy...I dont know why or how but it just was. I know I am backwards and came back just when everyone is leaving for the long weekend, but I guess I am just odd like that and I also needed to study, and really, none of this studying could have been done earlier than that block of time that is considered cramming, so I might as well have left while I could. I also went to give out a few resumes...although I help back at some of the places that I originally was thinking of applying. I just really have a bad feeling about this social services job. Enough of a bad feeling to make me dig up that stupid resume and cover letter file again and update it for the different places. And I also think I've come to terms with the fact that I might be stuck at the ortho office again...but I'll deal and really, a part of me still thinks that things happen for a reason. And although I still do have control over my own destiny for the mostpart, sometimes you just gotta go with the flow.

Also thinking about how although it is nice to have the suite to ourselves (ourselves being me and jaxs), it is ruined by the fact that we are stuck in our own little boxes forcing ourselves to study.. ewww.

the jellow shooters are calling me. J-E-L-L-O

staring blankly
I've been watching the fish; and for two little shiny orange, snake skin-like (yes I've touched them), bugged eyed, wiggly nuggets of creatures, they are quite amusing. it's like they knew they had to be weird for me to like them. one sleeps constantly at the surface of the water, with his fins all droopy and plays dead. he also sleeps vertical just floating there, and face down in the rocks. he's great. sometimes i think they swim a little drunk. maybe it's the london water. algae is starting to grow on the plant. there's a lot of fishshit, now that i look at it. hmm i guess i should go clean that right? lesson for the day: when there seems to be more shit on the bottom of the bowl than rocks, it's a clear indication that maybe, just maybe you should change the water. oh and second lesson for the day: using a turkey baster to clean out a fishbowl is genius...pure genius.

goldfish flakes
i can't wait to have mismatched dishes like friends circa 1994, before they had money for anything and a cutlery set that leaves soemthing to be desired. i can't wait for nights of eating crackers for dinner because i was just too damn lazy to cook. i can't wait to sit down at an actual kitchen table and have a 'family' dinner for the first time in who knows when. i'm looking forward to the nights of coming home late from that part time job just so i can afford water. i wanna decorate my room and make it mine. i wanna have our tests that we horribly failed, hung up proudly on the fridge with my ikea magnets. i wanna go through the fridge every once in a while with everyone and scream at the things that have turned furry and green and have started to make its own gasses. i wanna be forced to learn how to fix a leaky pipe, a sweaty toilet, or how to rewire the house.. lol. it's the part of getting older that i have been picturing in my head since i was little. and yes some things may suck, but its just one of those things i think people should have to deal with at one point or another. a part of growing up. shit adds character.

and sometimes i wonder.. where's mine

PUCCA'D
it is rainy outside. it is almost 9 o clock. i want to crawl back into bed with sting ray.

BUT i did get pucca'd today.. which kinda scared me at first in a "what the hell is this and when did it happen" sorta way. i assumed it was jackie, i just didnt know how she could have done it without me noticing last night. i then remembered how i just came back from the shower.. oh jackie. but it was very entertaining. they were abosolutly everywhere!

summersaults
i've come to 'see' more and more the degredation of some of these highschool friendships. not that anything happens directly, but you start to recognize who is there for the long haul and who is there just because. there are no longer numerous conversations and so the infrequent ones are the ones that you judge everything on. despite the fact that you and i are supposed to be friends, you only talk to me when you want to know something specific about my life. maybe this has been the case all along but i saw you on too much of a regular basis to notice. you only start the conversations when you've read or heard something and want the story from me. honestly, if you cared that much, you would have kept up all along. i think i've had enough.

at least have the decency to tell me what you really think. if you're going to use me to satisfy your need for gossip then at least respect me that much.